She wondered how she would get through dinner, before the realization that she would have to get through years of dinners and much, much more made her feel ill.She barely ate and retired early.The next day, Friedrich was leaving by mid-morning and they were on the back terrace enjoying the beauty of the gardens.He finally noticed her lack of enthusiasm.
“Don’t be sad, Lise,” he said.“I won’t stay away long.I have important matters to attend to that will affect you, too.”
She didn’t care.Had she ever truly looked forward to what would surely be a tepid marriage?
“When I come back, I will tell you everything,” he promised.“Also, my father told me he has already had ourEhevertragdrawn up.”
Lise startled at the mere mention of their marriage contract and could scarcely speak past the lump in her throat.Yet she did wish to tell him what was in her heart, knowing she must broach it carefully.
“Are you certain you wish to marry me?”she asked.She’d been a wan, quiet milk-toast ever since he got there.How could he possibly want her?
A smile spread on his face.“Of course, I want to marry you.What a strange question.”
She noticed he didn’t ask her in return what her wishes were.But she pressed the matter.
“Remember the assembly in March, when you danced with Maria Brandt?You seemed very ...happy.”
Friedrich raised his dark blond eyebrows.“You still remember that?I danced with many young ladies, just as you danced with the gentlemen hoping to steal you from me.Don’t tell me you’re still jealous.That’s absurd.”
Lise wasn’t the least bit jealous.She hoped, in truth, that he preferred Maria and would be happy to be released from their arrangement so he could pursue her.
“Don’t you think of me almost as a sister?Wouldn’t you rather be with a girl such as Maria who —”
“Enough,” he bit out.“I don’t like the doubts you are sowing.You have been promised to me.”
“Friedrich,” she said more softly, trying to reason with him.“If you are marrying me out of duty to our parents, based on their long friendship, then I think you should reconsider.I don’t wish you to feel obligated.”
“Of course I am obligated.I asked my father to ask your father the summer you turned fifteen.My duty is to you, to be a kind and fair husband and give you all the children you want.Your mother told my parents that we must wait until you turned twenty, which you have done.Now, I think I have erred in letting you languish here, a maid who deserves to be a bride.Perhaps allowing you to go to Britain was also a mistake.”
This was the first she’d heard thathehad allowed her to do anything.How preposterous!Had her parents asked her future husband’s permission?She was sure they hadn’t.Friedrich was overstepping his power as her betrothed.
It gave her pause.How would he demonstrate his rule over her once they were married?The unpleasant thought made her rise suddenly from the iron chair, causing Friedrich also to stand.
Lise couldn’t stop the words that flowed from her.“I don’t care for your insinuation thatyoucould decide whether I went with my brother to Britain.Or that you could have hurried our marriage and wedded me early, against my mother’s wishes.”
He paled.“Lise, don’t be a silly goose.I only meant that I would have begged your mother to let me claim you as my wife early, if you’d wanted to marry before next spring.If you were bored or anxious, I mean.As to the other, I will not apologize for caring about you.If I had feared for your safety on the trip, then I would have told your father I didn’t want you to put yourself in danger.Not for the sake of seeing a little island of shopkeepers.”
Reaching out, he touched her shoulder.“I think Herr von Ostenfeld would have listened, yes?As it was, even though you were with Henrik, I was worried every moment you were away, but particularly when you were traveling on the sea.”
“Oh,” she said.He sounded much more reasonable when he explained himself.
“I’m only sorry that I couldn’t accompany you myself,” he added.“Please, won’t you sit again?I have to leave soon, and this is our last few minutes to talk.”
With as good grace as she could muster, she nodded and regained her chair.Still, reasonable or not, she felt nothing but regret at agreeing to be his wife.Although, lately, she’d tried to recall exactly what had happened four years earlier.Had she agreed or had she been told she would marry him?
“Tell me about your trip,” he said, as if only just realizing he ought to show an interest in his bride-to-be.
Lise felt a wave of shame wash through her.“It was ...interesting,” she began.“I had never seen Henrik with his regiment before.The British people, the Londoners, I should say, were mostly kind and ...respectful and ...grateful.”She thought of the balls and the dinners and the outings, and tried to keep her mind off one particular Englishman.
“As they should be,” Friedrich said.“Did you make any friends?”
“No,” she said too quickly.“I stayed by Henrik’s side.”
“Then a KGL officer didn’t sweep you off your feet?”
Her laugh was high and false.“Of course not.”But she wasn’t behaving normally.She wondered if he could sense it.Needing to divert the discussion along another path, Lise added, “The food, Friedrich.It was different, but mostly delicious.We attended at least four dinner parties, and you wouldn’t believe the number of dishes put out for each course.Even at the balls, there was an abundance of food.”
“Were you too full to dance?”he asked, his eyes flickering across her face.
