Her expression must have told him something.
“I’ve certainly complicated matters,” he said. “After all, you are getting married.” He didn’t say it as a question, rather in a strange tone as if her doing so were extraordinary.
“I ... .” What could she say? She’d mourned deeply and then finally fallen in love again. The full ramifications of Finn’s return dawned on her. “Obviously, I cannot marry. Iammarried.”
“Ay,” he said, and it came out on an exhalation, like a weary sigh. After a pause, he added, “What do you want to do, Rose?”
She hadn’t expected that question. She didn’t think she had a choice. They were married though they had never lived as man and wife.
“I don’t know what you’re asking. Oh, Finn!” She closed her eyes and groaned.
“You’re not the only person to call me that, but when you say my name and make that noise, it reminds me of our last night together.”
Her stomach fluttered, and she realized it was a familiar feeling, one she hadn’t felt in years — something similar though not the same with William.Dear William!He would be hurt beyond words.
“What if you’d come back too late?” she asked, imagining the horror of becoming Mrs. Woodsom only to find out later that she was not legally married after all, that she’d committed bigamy. “Why did you even let me get engaged?”
“I came as soon as I read it in the paper. The English follow Boston’s society as we Americans do that of London and Paris,” he said. “You were already officially engaged by the time I started my voyage, so it didn’t matter if I went to Portland first.”
“When exactly did you get here?” Rose asked. “In Boston, I mean.”
“Three days ago.”
Again, she wondered at the idea of Finn being so close and her, completely unaware.
“Why didn’t you come straight away to see me?”
A strange look came over his face. “I didn’t want to startle you.”
A laugh escaped her, sounding anything but happy, thinking of what happened at the Tremont.
“Then why did you show up in the middle of my engagement party?”
Finn shook his head. “I tried to get close to you the day before, but you were surrounded by females. I only knew Claire, and I couldn’t let her see me before I’d spoken to you. Then I heard about the party.” He looked sheepish.
“I had to see you,” he added, “though I didn’t think you would see me. Suddenly, you were standing there — looking right at me. I wasn’t sure you would know me. Then you looked scared, and I panicked and left.”
Finn looked away, back to the sea, then directly into her eyes. “You looked beautiful, by the way.”
“Thank you.” She’d never had a reason to wear anything like that gown when she’d been with him. They’d ridden horses and walked in the countryside away from everyone. They’d gone on adventures and strolled along the beach. They’d gone sightseeing to Newburyport.
One time, they’d climbed a tree when a family interrupted their picnic in Mount Auburn Cemetery north of Boston. Rose had thought it great fun to hide out in the branches of an apple tree while a husband and wife and their children passed unawares below.
Always away from other people at her insistence.
“Your family obviously admires your fiancé. I heard the speeches.”
What could she say? Rose nodded, thinking how strange that her husband had been present while her family toasted her engagement.
“And this man loves you. That was clear, too.”
Yes, William dearly loved her.
“Then again, who wouldn’t?” he added, his voice a low murmur. “So what do you want to do, Rose?”
For a second, she thought he meant that very moment.What did she want to do?She couldn’t have answered him. She knew the urge to hug him, indeed, wanted to feel his solid arms around her. Yet warring strongly with that feeling was the desire to lash out at him again, to cause him pain for letting her believe him dead for so long.
What do I want to do?
