“Do you miss me?” she asked.
“Of course I do.”
There was a slight pause. Then she said, “Do you think we’re meant to spend the rest of our lives together?”
He felt his chest tighten. That was the big question, wasn’t it? “I think it’s time we figured it out.”
She went silent.
“Sloane?”
“I was hoping you’d reassure me.”
“I’d like to do that. But we’d better start talking about the issues that stand between us. And somehow it’s easier while you’re gone.”
“Is that why you were so supportive of me leaving?” she asked.
He pulled out of the parking stall and rolled to the light. “I wanted you to be able to support Charlotte. But, yes, that was part of it.”
“Are you not happy being with me?”
“I’m happy being with you. But will I be happy staying with you if our lives don’t include children? You don’t want them, right? That’s what’s standing between us. I know you’d rather not admit it, but it’s becoming obvious.”
“What if I have them anyway?” she asked.
“I don’t want you to ‘have them anyway.’ I don’t want to feel like you’re doing me a favor. I want you towantchildren, and I can’t make that happen and neither can you. So where do we go from here?”
“I wish I knew,” she said. “Why does it have to be this hard?”
“If marriage was easy, the divorce rate wouldn’t be so high.”
“I love you,” she said. “I hope you know that. I don’t think I could find anyone who’s half as good a person as you are.”
“I hope you’re not out there looking,” he said jokingly.
“Of course not.”
“Then relax and get some sleep. Things will be better in the morning.”
“Okay,” she said, and the call disconnected.
Ben remained in his car for several minutes even after he reached home. It was hard having Sloane gone, but he felt it was important they finally address the uncertainty that’d been eating away at their peace of mind. He was also worried about Julian. Was Sloane right? Was something wrong with him? And, if so, how would that impact her?
The next morning, while everyone else was still sleeping, Lilly stood outside the storage room that held her mother’s belongings. For the most part, she knew what she’d find in the boxes Luca had brought—Sabrina’s cheap costume jewelry, the clothes she bought even when they didn’t have the money, a few knickknacks she’d kept on her dresser and case upon case of makeup and perfume.
Sabrina had always gotten what she wanted when it came to beauty products, even when they should’ve been paying for other stuff instead. They couldn’t pay their rent, and yet she’d come home with a new outfit or spend over a hundred dollars at Sephora. It’d cost two thousand dollars for her to get hairextensions before they moved to the Amalfi Coast; then they’d left their one-bedroom place in Fort Bragg without paying the last month’s rent or the electric bill.
The landlady had called several times, but Sabrina had already spent the money. She finally just blocked her. Lilly had seen her do it. The knowledge that they hadn’t paid the nice woman who’d let them move into the small house in her backyard—when they had nowhere else to go and couldn’t afford a place that required first and last month’s rent and a security deposit—made Lilly’s stomach churn with embarrassment and humiliation. But it didn’t seem to faze Sabrina. She wouldn’t even talk about it.
Lilly opened the door. She should get her mother’s phone, if it was there, but just the sight of those boxes made her eyes burn with unshed tears. Seeing and touching her mother’s things—especially her phone—would make the fact that Sabrina was never coming back too real. That phone had meant more to Sabrina than anything else. Sometimes, Lilly couldn’t even get her mother to respond to her, she was so caught up in doing something on her phone. She had it in her hand all the time, was constantly on one of her dating apps or Instagram—or texting some guy, even if she already had a boyfriend. She’d once joked that it never hurt to have a Plan B. She’d said that when they were with Steve. It was what had alerted Lilly that even though they’d finally found a wonderful home and a really good person to share their lives with, neither would be theirs for very long.
“Hey, what are you up to today?”
Lilly turned to see Julian, who’d come out of the house carrying his camera. He was always the first to get up, seemed more accustomed to jet lag than his sister or Charlotte.
“Nothing,” she replied, even though she’d been thinking that if she could find her mother’s phone, she could call Steve.He’d always been kind to her, had tried to make them a real family, so maybe he wouldn’t mind hearing from her. Lilly knew he’d called to check on her now and then, even after they left the States. She’d heard her mother tell him not to bother them again, that what she did with her own daughter was none of his business.
Julian gestured toward the storage room. “Are you ready to go through your mother’s things? It’s a nice quiet morning, might be a good time.”
