Matt is not a relationship guy. Sure, he was being unfairly cute and affectionate with me, but maybe that’s just how he is with his hookups? Who knows. I for sure don’t. I’ve only ever seen him with other men in the hallway.
So, while I’m glad Matt is being so casual and normal, if we leave out that fucking kiss, I’m not going to make things awkward by being clingy. Even if that means slowly chipping away at my heart with every single second I spend with him.
I don't do casual. I still remember the feel of Matt's weight on me, his warmth enveloping me when we cuddled on the couch. I felt safe, protected, and seen.
And yes, the orgasm was awesome too.
Maybe I can convince him to give it a shot? I would laugh at the thought if it didn’t make me wanna cry.
I've known the guy for almost a year. People like him don't change. It was probably just a convenient fuck. Hell, it wasn't even a fuck. I’ve seen the guys he hooks up with. I’m so farbeyond his type, it’s not even funny.
And even with men who are his type, I've never seen the same guy twice, not that I was paying too much attention.
Alright, I was! Sue me. All of them are huge, muscly men who probably rent out spaces in gyms because they never leave.
Matt won’t change himself, definitely not for me.
I pace my room, annoyed by my thoughts, furious by my actions, and embarrassed by my heart's reaction to everything.
I call the only person I know who would help me solve the tangle in my head, but first, I have to endure all her gloating.
Anna picks up after the first ring. “Oh my god, where have you been?” she screeches. I can hear people chattering in the background. She’s still in office, then.
I let her get it out of her system.
“You were supposed to call me last week. I have the text. Do you want me to screenshot and send it to you? I was waiting! I was so worried, Ollie. Do you not care about my weak heart? Why would you do that to me? Where have you been?”
“Are you done?” I ask.
“What's up?” She goes serious at my solemn tone. “Wait, I’ll go to the break room. Too many nosy people here.” I hear footsteps on the other side. Then silence. “That's better. So, what's gotten up your ass?”
Maybe it's the lack of something going up my ass. I roll my eyes at myself. We’re being serious right now, Oliver.
“Ollie?”
“I screwed up,” I confess. Because that’s what it ultimately comes down to.
“At work? They’re not going to fire you, Ollie. They literally won you in a bidding war!”
“That’s an exaggeration. I had one other offer, and theyoffered to pay more. There was no war,” I clarify.
I can hear her eyes roll. She chooses to ignore me. “I saw last week's episode.”
“Yeah? You liked it?”
“It was …a show,” she settles for.
I laugh. “It's not work, Ann.”
“Then is it the neighbor you're pining for?”
I gasp. “I'm not pining for anyone!”
“What did he do?” Her voice takes an angry edge.
“He didn't do anything.”
“And that's the issue?” she asks. Too accurate with her guesses today, this one.
