I’d memorized this pattern years ago. She’d stay just long enough to remind me she existed, then vanish back to her floating palace and her cosmic duties, her visits as predictable as shooting stars: Rare, beautiful, and gone before you could make a wish, leaving nothing but stirred-up feeling behind.
She’s immortal, for fuck’s sakes! She couldn’t have spared twenty-two years for me?
As if summoned by my thoughts, Mum materialized at my side.
“I see you’re still sulking in corners when things get uncomfortable. I’d have thought Lucian broke you of that habit years ago.”
“He broke me of a lot of things.”
Mum didn’t respond, and I should’ve let it drop there, but my mouth had other ideas.
“Worked out fine, though, didn’t it? Sure, I got commitment issues, questionable humor, and a violent allergy to sincerity, but I also got cool brothers. Found my beloved and a home.” I gestured around the library. “Have a wolf best friend and a mum that swings by once in a while like a comet with a wine budget.”
The words came out sharp, each one tipped with a poison I couldn’t quite hold back. This was the problem with Mum. She walked in trailing stardust and certainty, and suddenly I was drowning in all the things I’d carefully packed away and labeled, “Do Not Open. Emotional Biohazard.”
“You think I don’t know what Lucian carved out of you? You think I don’t see the man you’ve forged from his cruelty and my neglect? The way he weaponized your chaos—”
“Weaponized this sweet six-pack, too. Tradeoffs.”
“Don’t.” Her hand shot out, sparks dancing between her fingertips as she grabbed my arm. “Don’t deflect with me, stormling. I see the cracks.”
“Fuck’s sake!” I batted embers from my sleeve. “You wanna bond? Maybe skip the emotional arson!”
The storm stilled. Not the atmospheric kind. The heavier, older tempest living in her chest. When she spoke again, her words fell like hail.
“At the time you were born, I was a wildfire. I consumed everything I touched. I couldn’t have loved you the way Mahina did.”
Ice cracked down my spine to hear her saythatname, and I took a step back.
“We ain’t doing this. I don’t need it. Got everything handled.”
For the first time in centuries maybe, Queen Doria Starling looked uncertain. Her eyes flickered, clouds racing across them, then she squared her shoulders and raised her chin.
“You misunderstand. I don’t regret my choices. I do, however, acknowledge their cost. I can’t make up for the past, and I won’t pretend it didn’t shape you.” She paused, and I had the impression she was choosing her words with unusual care. “But don’t confuse distance with disinterest, Zane. You were never unloved. Just … deferred.”
Deferred.
Like a fucking payment. Like an obligation pushed to the bottom of a to-do list. Like something you’ll get around to eventually, when more important matters have been handled.
“Is that supposed to make me feel better?” Bitter laughter bubbled up my throat. “To know I’m mothballed until whenever you feel like dropping in for dinner?”
“To know you were born into chaos, and I wasn’t ready to tame it. Butyoudid. On your own. With your brothers. Now with her.”
I knew what she was doing. Playing the queen card. The cosmic wisdom card. The “I’m thousands of years old and have perspective you can’t possibly understand yet” card. And the worst part was, italmostworked. Almost made me believe she had some grand design all along, that leaving me with Lucian was part of a plan and not just convenient.
Mum and I stood in silence for a moment, the air between us charged with all the things we weren’t saying. The apologies she wouldn’t give. The forgiveness I couldn’t offer.
“You turned out better than I deserved, stormling,” she said at last. “The man you are is worth knowing.”
“Careful.” I smirked to hide the warmth flooding my chest. “You’ll ruin your street cred as the heartless queen.”
“I think my reputation can withstand one moment of maternal sentiment.”
“Wait til I tell Seri. She loves this emotional growth bullshit.”
“Tell her whatever you like. She already sees more than most.”
That was true, and it was terrifying and wonderful in equal measure.
