“Casimir, I’m sure you’ve surmised by now that your mother was a brief affair. Reginleif, true to her Valkyrie nature, admires males with strength and power, and I allowed myself to be,” Lucian paused, then went with, “collectedfor a few days. Maternal instincts, however, were never in her DNA.”
Cas nodded, none of us surprised by that, and Lucian’s silver eyes flicked to Zane.
“I know Doria maintains contact with you, infrequent as it may be, so you might be aware of more details. She sought a temporary partner for the same reasons I did. When you were born, she was not stable enough to keep you.”
“Stable my ass,” Zane retorted. “She told me the second she saw my little fang buds, she knew I was more vamp than swan and had no idea what I might need.”
“It’s true our kind is not common in her world.” Lucian raised his chin, his eyes narrowing. “You cannot imagine how it feels to lose your beloved. Where I drowned my grief in blood and women, Doria tried to burn it out of herself. In any way she could. Picture yourself a year ago, onlywithoutyour brothers. What would you have done with a newborn?”
A year ago? Before Seri? And take me and Cas out of the equation?Shit. He would have shoved the kid at the first nanny he could find. Left it wrapped in newspaper at a fire station. Hell, traded it for a handful of tracer rounds and a bottle of Goblin Moonshine.
Or worse, tried to play dad with his head full of glass shards and bad wiring.
Fuck Lucian.My jaw locked so tight, I felt my molars crack.Fuck him for twisting it like that.
Bastard knew exactly which scars to pick at. Knew Zane would see himself in his twisted reflection, two predators debating whether to eat the cub or raise it. Difference was, Lucian hadn’t hadus, and Zane did.
My brothers and I might be broken things just trying not to slice everyone we loved, but one thing was for damn sure: Weneverlet each other forget which side of the blade mattered.
And now there was Seri, stitching our broken parts together with her quiet “we’re not monsters” mantra…
I looked to the bed, watched her breathe, let it settle me.
“Point taken,” Zane said after a moment, knuckles popping as he flexed his hands. “Still doesn’t makeyoufather of the fucking year.”
“I made many miscalculations.” Lucian inclined his head, that infuriating regal nod that was supposed to be an apology.
“Were any of them due to the fact that we’re mortal?” Cas asked in a cold voice. “Unlike Seb who, unless he gets himself killed, will be with you through eternity, neither Zane nor I inherited immortality from our mothers. When you realized that, did you decide we were too transient, too temporary, to be anything more in your life?”
I blinked. I’d never thought about that, most likely because I’d always been too aware of how human I was. I was glad neither of them were eternal, though, not only for my own selfish reason, but because they would have hated to watch me age and die while they stayed young forever.
“It crossed my mind,” Lucian confessed.
I blinked again. Today was apparently the day for confessions. Then he looked at me, a muscle in his jaw twitching, which was theequivalent of a wince for him, and I couldn’t have spoken to save my life.
“As for Mahina, she wasn’t a beloved, and we both knew that, but neither of us could keep our distance. I’d already planned a trip to Hawaii before she showed up on my doorstep with you.”
“Were you still intimate with her when we were little?” I finally asked the question that had plagued me for years.
“Yes. As I said, we couldn’t stay apart from each other.”
“Explains why you and Seb were at breakfast and dinner so often,” Zane snorted. “And how many times did you break her heart by bringing other women home?”
“You paraded your fuck buddiesin front of her?” I seethed.
“No.” Lucian met Cas’ gaze, then Zane’s, then mine without flinching. “From the day I met Mahina until the moment I looked into Kaori’s eyes, there was no one else.”
Silence. None of us moved. None of us breathed.
“You never told us any of that,” Zane muttered after a moment.
“You were too young at first. Later, would you have listened?” Lucian raised one hand when Cas opened his mouth. “I knowImade our relationship what it is, and I am sorry for it. Sorry than I have words for. Mahina would have been so ashamed of me.Iam ashamed of myself.”
I should’ve said something cruel. Iwantedto. But Seri let out a soft, shuddery breath in her sleep, and Lucian used our distraction to move further into the room. He dragged Cas’ reading chair to her bedside and sat down like he belonged there.
“Go. Finish what you need to so you can come back to her.”
Cas nudged my arm, the barest brush. Zane gave him a tight nod. We turned to go, but just before I closed the door behind us, I looked back.
