“I appeared here as a ghost when I died,” I confess, taking my time with the words. “I made…mistakes when I was alive—things I felt extremely guilty for—and I thought my being here was my punishment. I stayed in the house, because going outside meant facing the people Ihadhurt. But then those people died, and I was still here, stuck inside with my own demons. The longer I stayed, the easier it got to just sit in my guilt. Somehow, over time, it turned into a safety net, and nowI’mtoo scared to leave it.”
Kennedy continues to stare at me, but itdoesn’tfeel invasive. Her focus on me is comforting, but I want more than just her gaze.
Asif sensingthis, she comes to stand in front of me. Her voice is steady when she speaks. “I’m so sorry.”
“For what?” I whisper, lingering on the shape of her lips.
“For feeling as if you had to go through that alone.”
Her words cut me deep. I feel as if a shard of icehaslodgeditselfin my chest, but despite the pain, I lean into it. I lean into her, hoping for the barest touch of her skin on mine. We linger there together in the spacewe’vecreated,neither of us willing to move any closer without the risk of falling over the edge.
I’mseconds from throwing all caution to the wind when suddenly a howl cuts through the silence and startles us both.
She presses her lips into a thin line, eyelashes fluttering feather-like as she lowers her gaze. “The wolves,” she says.
I make a noise of agreement in my throat. “They do that.”
The quiet envelopes us again, but the moment is gone, snuffed out like a candle. The flicker of the firelight dances over Kennedy’s face as she says, “I’m going to go back to bed now.”
“Alright.”
She heads toward the staircase. As shehovers onedelicate hand overthe railing, she says, “Thank you for sharing with me, Theodore.”
I grin. “Call me Theo.”
I can’t see her face, but I know this pleases her. The crumbs of myself I’m providing her might seem small, but they feel enormous to me. It’s what I wanted by starting over. I hope it makes a difference.
I try not to watch her as she takes the stairs slowly and carefully up to my bedroom, but who am I kidding? What can I do when after years of depriving myself of joy, it finally forces its way in?
Chapter Twenty
KENNEDY
When I wake up the next morning, I’m surprised to find I’ve shifted back into my physical body. I thought relaxing my mind meant I would remain in my default state, but somehow I’ve become corporeal throughout the night.
The sky appears overcast, leaving the house dark and dreary. It occurs to me that natural light and the glow of the fireplace are the onlythings givingthis house life.If I’mgoing to be stayingherefor awhile,I need more from my environment than dust and cobwebs. I wonder how much convincing it would take to get Theodore to help me spruce up the place.
Theo.
He told me to call him Theo.
There was a definite breakthrough between us last night. Ididn’teven have topryfor him to share something with melike I thought I would. He offered adeeplypersonal confession all on his own. He may have felt a little guilty about calling me out on my bluntness, but still, I never expected him to offer up what he did last night.
I may not know what hedid thatwarrantssuch extreme guilt, but now I at least know whyhe’sshuthimself inside thehouseall these years.It’sa definite starting point for Operation: Become Theo’s Bestie.
At the same time, I still want to continue discovering all there is to know about being a ghost. The more time I spend learning about ghost-abilities from Theo, the more I can learn about him—a quite efficient plan, if I do say so myself.
I glance down at the teddy bear PJs I summoned before going to sleep.Now that I know I can change intopractically anythingI remember wearing in life, I want to startutilizingthat skillmore often. Today, I feel like beingcomfywhile on the go, so Isummona pair of corduroy checkered pants and a beige sweater. The outfit appearsimmediately, andI’msurprised to see I manifested my Converse without even trying.
I’m practically a pro at this point!
As I bound down the stairs, I remember Ineeda coat, and a puffer jacket settles onto my shoulders.
Theodore—Theo—isn’tin thefrontroom or thesideparlor. Instead, I find him in the kitchen, rummaging through cabinets in search of something.
“Whatcha looking for?”
He jumps, and a rusted can of peas falls onto the floor. “You’re awake,” he grumbles as he leans down to pick up the can. He places it matter-of-factly on the center island and stands ungainly, unsure of what to do next. He begins methodically rubbing the top of his right hand with the other.
