Having magic in my family meant I knew all about spirits, butI’dneveractuallyseen a ghost. I imagined them to be like faint flashes of light out of the corner of my eye, or the darkest part of a shadow. I certainlydidn’tthink of them as being like us, appearing just like humans. This is why it took so long forme to understand what happened to me.For the longest time, I didn’t think I was actually dead.I was still in my house after all, surrounded by my father’s things. But thingsfeltoff after a while. Ididn’teat, yet I never felt starved. I had no need to use the facilities, drink water, or even sleep. I found myself wandering through the house listlessly without purpose, until finally I began to consider my situation.
I wondered if I was dreaming, and eventuallythe thought even crossed my mind thatI’dcrossed into hell.But over time, I came to understand that Iwasn’tin Satan’s fiery pits—I was stuck in a new form of purgatory.
I had died, and my spirit chose to remain on the earthly plane.
I never thought in a million yearsI’dhave company again. Not since Moira and her mother moved away. After that, I thoughtI’dhave the rest of my afterlifeto wallowalone, but fateseemed to haveother plans.
Thinking about Kennedy’s bright smile and explosive personality only makes me want to feel anything other than this fervent loneliness thatwon’tstop pressing in on me.
So,for the first time in years, I shift into my physical body and walk out the front door to greet the cold, embracing the feel of its caress against my cheek. I force myself to stand there as long as I can, shoes buried in snow up to my shins and gooseflesh forming along my arms. I could summon a jacket from my memory to ward myself against the elements, but I want to feelthe bitterness. For just a moment, I want to remember what it used to belike beforeI was dead.
Being on my own for so long, I lost the desire to shift into my old corporeal body. It required too much energy, and there was no one around, so there was no point. But now thatI’vedone it, the weight of my limbs feels rewarding, like I earned them after going without for so long.
It gives me something else to carry besides thenever-endingweight of guiltthat’sstrapped to my back.
While the bitter cold and sensation of my body is temporarily distracting, itdoesn’tlast long enough for me to forget sheisn’there.Worrystarts to creep across my mind like fog, clouding my thoughts. I currently have no way of knowing where Kennedy is. Did she venture further into the forest, orhasshe slipped back into the void? Should I try to find someone to look for her?
Fear keeps me planted where I stand.
My physical legs want to run. They want to lead me into town to look for her. But my mindwon’tallow it.I’mfrozen to the spot, like the icicles clinging to the branches high above me.
“You’re a coward,” I curse myself with chattering teeth. “You were always meant to die in this house.”
Chapter Fifteen
KENNEDY
Ifeel as ifI’mbeing pulled through the void again,exceptmy Conversearestill stuck to the bathroom floor inCity Hall. It takes several deep breaths and a steady hand clinging to the side of the stall for me to remember this and to not fall victim to the swirling panic rising in my chest.
My body is still here,I tell myself.I’m in control. There’s no need to panic.
Ifthat’strue, then why does it feel like a giant is sitting on my chest?
Eventually,I’mable to open my eyes without the sensation of falling. I wipe my mouth on my sleeve and flush the toilet with my shoe. At the sink, I stare hopelessly at my own reflection.
“Claudia’s here,” I say aloud, my voice echoing back to me.
Questions swirl around in my head: When did she move back to Shadow Hills? Why didn’t she tell me? Why did wegoso long without talking?
This must be my punishment, being forced to haunt this sitcomofa small town for eternity. This must be what hell truly is.
A knock jerks me out of my wallowing, and I hear Pamelacallingme from the other side of the door. “Is everything alright in there?”
I splash water on my face and gargle for good measure.
I wonder if ghosts get bad breath?
When I exit the bathroom,Pamela is holding a peppermint and offers it to me. “If your stomach is upset, these help.” She smiles, knowingly. “I get car sick, myself.”
I take it, wishing to pop it into my mouth immediately, but I pocket it instead. “Thanks.”
MayorMusthavenshuffles from his office and meets us in the hallway. “If you’re not feeling well, we can continue this another day,” he offers. “I certainly wouldn’t want you to get anyone else sick.”
As if just realizing I could be contagious, Pamela takes a small step back.
“I’m fine,” I lie, and even I’m unconvinced. “But it’s no problem. I’ll make an appointment next time.”
Pamela turns on her heels and heads for her desk. “Let me get myboook,” shesing-songs. ButI’malready halfwayoutthe door. “Wait!”
