I close my eyes. “And when we find him?”
“You’ll feel whole again.”
“How do you know?”
He sighs, and for a tempo, I think he’s not going to answer me. “Because it’s how I felt when you returned.”
“You tried to imprison me,” I point out.
“That proves my point.”
“How so?”
“You are the one and only thing in this world that has the power to make me feel loved and invincible. Yet with a single sacrificing act, you broke me into so many pieces I didn’t recognize myself when I looked in the mirror.” He lets out a long sigh like he’s reliving the pain. “So I’m fighting my instinct to lock you up and protect you from all threats, including yourself.”
“I would never hurt you.”
“Not intentionally. I trust you. It’s the realm I don’t trust.”
“You can’t wrap me up in cotton wool.”
He huffs a laugh. “No, you’d likely initiate a fight with it and cause a disaster that no one could predict. All I’m asking for is that you take a beat to think through your actions, talk to us and let us help you. I won’t survive another end of Daphne Stone. My heart would stop beating alongside yours.”
He gets it. I’m both devastated I affected him like that and elated that he loves me. “I can’t guarantee no disasters. Actually, scrap that. I can assure you they will occur. But I’m learning for the first time in my life that I have more than my sister who I can burden with my chaos.”
“You’re never a burden. You’re the missing piece in our lives. The one who gives us hope and paints the world in bright colors. All that remains is to drag our brother back from his downward spiral.”
Theo has to come home. Not just for me, but for his brothers.
“You really are a big softy beneath all the growling,” I point out.
His arms tighten around me. “Only for you. Have faith. You’ll feel steady once more.”
I chuckle. “If I’m steady, start looking for another girl mimicking me. I don’t want to lose the chaos,” I admit.
“You won’t.”
“How do you know?”
“Because it’s you.”
That does something unpleasantly warm to my insides. I clear my throat. “Well, good. Because if being whole makes me sensible, I will absolutely throw myself back into the lake for a do-over.”
Hart’s breath brushes my ear. “You’re afraid.”
“No.”
“Yes.”
I open my mouth to argue, but nothing comes out. Because I am. Not of dying. Not of the foe we’ve yet to encounter. Not of dragons. I’m afraid that becoming whole will make me less.
How does that make any sense?
I’m afraid that when we fix this, something will shift, and I won’t fit in my skin the way I once did.
“Don’t go quiet,” Hart murmurs.
“I’m thinking.”
