A deep rumble echoes inside him, making me think he’s laughing again. A dragon who gets my sense of humor. What else could I ask for? Being left in my cloud bed, to be woken by the smell of sausages and my Stirlings. That’s what. Then again, a dragon this size would need a huge sausage to satisfy him.
Still, if I was being kidnapped by any dragon, one who viewed my word vomit with amusement was preferable to one who would eat me to get me to be quiet. That would make for a brief relationship with my captor.
The dragon’s talons curl tighter as he dives toward the mountain. My hands fly to cover my eyes.Here lies Daphne Stone, what’s left of her after she was splattered across the mountainside.How sad.
The dragon glides right and unfolds his wings to slow us down. I peek out between my fingers as we dive into a dark hole in the mountain. What in the Blazes? The sun disappears and we slam to the ground. Somehow, he keeps me from experiencing any of the impact. What a considerate dragon. Fire erupts around the wall, lighting hundreds of torches and revealing a cave packed with so much gold, jewels, and precious treasures that the floor is masked. He releases me from his talons and I drop onto a bed of gold coins like a sack of potatoes. I stumble to my feet, slipping against the impossible shiny metals. Are they sprayed with unicorn horn to get them this sparkly? An image of the dragon polishing his treasure with the unicorn horn powder pops into my mind, making me chuckle, because while he’s unparalleled in size and strength, he isn’t built for the delicate tasks of polishing coins.
I spin to face my captor and fold my arms. “You brought me here to keep your shit shiny? Because I can totally do that. So here’s the deal—you don’t eat me, and I promise your treasures will outshine the shiniest of The Hallowed. In fact, I’ll rub it so good you’ll be able to see your jewels glitter all the way from The Hallows.”
The dragon’s vertical eye narrows as he lowers his head to examine me. “I know I don’t fit among these beautiful treasures,” I tell him. Because a clumsy maiden would never be welcome in the horde of perfection he’s built here. I will just have to make myself so useful he has no choice but to keep me alive. “I can be like, your dragon wife.” I begin pacing across the coins. “Except no floof fondling. Your talon would rip me in two. But I can organize your shit and I don’t know…” I fling my hands up. “Cook your dinner?” I glance at him, then his stomach. Unless I was about to prepare a full bunkum every diurnal, it’s unlikely I could keep such a beast satisfied. “No, I think with the teeth and fire breathing, you have that covered. I make for a good one-sided conversation. I can literally talk you to sleep. That’s what Gwyneth, my sister, says.”
He blinks slowly like he’s clueless about how he ended up with such a crazy damsel.Me too, buddy, me too.
“Don’t shake your head at me. You brought this on yourself, because one, I’m no damsel, and two, you are the dragon who snatched me from The Hallows and brought me to your shiny cave. And while I’m grateful you didn’t eat me, these are the consequences of your actions.”
My stomach chooses that moment to emit a loud growl. He tilts his head like he’s debating if I’m smuggling a creature in my stomach. I hold a hand over my belly. “Sorry, I get hungry easily. I’m not the dainty damsel who likes salad for her late meal. Just so we are crystal clear while negotiating living terms—I’m a meaty girl through and through. I also require five meal breaks every diurnal, and seven snack breaks.”
He turns and I duck, barely missing his stupidly long tail as he stomps from the cave. I blink and then dart after him as he launches himself into the air. I skid to a stop at the entrance and my stomach flips as I take in our position halfway up a stupidly tall mountain. Why do they build mountains this big? There is no need for it, particularly for a clumsy, chaotic maiden with gravity issues. I back away from the snow gathered at the entrance and watch as my dragon disappears into the gathering clouds. Wait, what?My dragon.Ugh, I have issues claiming things that aren’t mine. First, the Stirlings, now the dragon. Yup, the crazy old hag has nothing on me. I spin and re-enter the warming cave. I climb over the piles of treasure and slip down onto my ass, riding the wave of gold to the back of the cave with a giggle. If you can’t laugh while in a golden shower, then life is truly a pity party.
I stand and edge around the cave, finding a hole in the wall far too small for an enormous dragon. Frowning, I follow the wall and then freeze at the sight before me. Why did the dragon have cozy living quarters for a Daphne-sized creature in the back of his cave? Investigating the small kitchen, I find pots and pans littering the shelves on the walls, and a four person rustic wooden dining table sitting in the middle.
Pushed against the far wall is an immense bed, big enough for several Daphnes, but not a dragon. The headboard is a carved masterpiece that is a clear representation of the dragon that brought me here. The pile of furs and pillows entices me closer until my fingertips graze over the softness. A small tunnel leads to a pool of water being fed by a waterfall. It’s big enough for several people—but not a dragon. I run my hand through the water and snap it back with a shiver. I’ll turn into an ice cube if I have to bathe in that. Another area contains a crude toilet, with access to the outside world.
I move back into the cave and run my hand over the worn books lining a shelf above the bed. Why does the dragon have human quarters? Maybe I’m the latest in a long line of damsels he’s brought here to shine his shit?
I huff and find I’m a little jealous of all the damsels before me. Weird, not a normal response for someone being held against their will. I should be plotting my escape while he’s left me alone. However, I am not making it down off this mountain in one piece unless his gruffness picks me up and deposits me on the ground. Even then, I don’t like my chances in the realm’s most feared kingdom—So Far Away. I’d be dead before the next diurnal, and there would be nothing on my gravestone because no one would know where or how I’d perished. I’d be picked clean by the flocks of rategons. They eat anything, even clumsy maidens.
There’s a boom and a clatter from the main cave. I dart back in and find the dragon looking around at his treasure, like I’d somehow turned golden and blended in. His gaze finds me as I slip out of his little secret damsel hideaway. What did he expect? That I would sit there counting his coins and shining his baubles while he disappeared to Idols knows where? Not this maiden. Idle hands and all that.
He opens his jaws and out fly two capons. Alive. He’s brought me breathing capons for my grumbling tummy. I’d say it was sweet, but honestly, what does he expect me to do with the plump feathered creatures clucking around the gold? One drops its ass and lays a pale blue egg on top of his treasure before scuttling away on its two thin legs after its buddy who has found its way into the secret cave. Perhaps it’s an offering in place of the dragon flaming them?
I swing a thumb over my shoulder at the escaping capons. “I feel kind of mean eating them now they made themselves at home.”
The dragon rolls his eyes. Wow, that is not something you see every diurnal. A dragon sassing you because of your lifestyle choices. Maybe I should become a vegetarian? Apart from sausage. That didn’t count, right? Nobody could live without sausage in their lives.
The dragon shakes his head as he backs up and disappears. I dread to think what he’s going to return with this time. I go in search of the capons. They’ve snuggled themselves under the dining table, offering me soft clucks of contentment. I kneel on the stone floor and eyeball them under the table. They squash into each other tighter until the brown one lifts and reveals another egg.
“Okay, okay, you convinced me,” I mutter, reaching for the egg. The white one pecks my hand as I grab it. “Hey, dude, if you want me to convince the big scary dragon to let you keep living, you will not argue with me about the gift of the egg your brother has given me. You left yours outside on the pile of gold.” I stand and place the egg in a pot. How hard can it be to cook an egg? The capons grumble from under the table. Perhaps I should name them? It was at least twice as hard to kill something you’ve named.
I frown at the pair and point at the white one. “You will now be known as Eugene, and your friend will be called Hamish.” I stroll into the treasure cave and grab the other egg just as the dragon flies back into the cave. This time, he drops a deer onto the floor. I step away from it with a grimace. He had the common sense to kill it before dropping it at my feet, otherwise we might have a cave full of animals, and I’m not convinced we would all fit in that bed. He’d also managed to kill it without shedding a single drop of blood, so his precious horde of treasure wouldn’t be sullied. I kind of feel bad that the deer died because I got an attack of conscience over the capons. But they were two, this is one, so technically, I still saved a life. I puff out my chest and smile at the dragon, proud of my accomplishments for this diurnal.Daphne Stone, savior of furry and feathered friends.But the fact remains, I have never prepared a deer before. Nobody let me near the food preparation because it involved slicing and dicing, and that seemed like a recipe for chaos.
“I have no idea how to prepare this,” I tell the dragon. He huffs, blowing my hair backward. “Laugh it up, but I will starve and those capons will pluck your pretty furs to pieces if I am not around to take care of them. So, it’s imperative that I’m fed and healthy.”
His scales ripple and I take a step back. His body emits a light so intense I have to raise my arm to shield my eyes from its brilliance. What in the realms is happening now? If the fairy godmother shows up, I’m lodging a complaint.
A dark male chuckle booms in the cave, making me freeze. Well, I was frozen anyway, but I am so shocked I might stay here for a few tempos. I drop my arm and come face to face with a tall naked male. A familiar tall naked male. “Theo, what did you do with the dragon? You better not have hurt him. He’s my friend. He put me in charge of keeping his shit shiny so that he could have golden showers whenever he wanted.”
He presses his lips together and steps toward me. I wave at his groin. “Dude, where are your clothes?”
His arms wrap around me and give me a squeeze. “I rather enjoy your one-sided conversations. I think between my dragon and the capons, we would make a great little family.”
“Eugene and Hamish,” I mutter into his shoulder. Damn, he’s warm and smells like wood smoke. Wait. A. Hot. Tempo. I shove away from him. “Tell me you are not a dragon.”
He moves his hands apart and shrugs as his eyes dance with amusement. “I can’t, because I’m not a liar.”
I drag my free hand through my hair and start pacing on his gold. “But you’re a knight,” I snap. “How can this be?”
“Come with me, little maiden, and I’ll give you a history lesson you won’t find in any books.”
