“The eggplant.” Oh no. I glanced at the clock on the wall. This was going to take longer than the six minutes remaining before Hudson came to investigate where his mate was, but I couldn’t leave him in this state.
“Was it whole?” I asked.
The vampires’ gazes locked on each other as they silently communicated. They should know if the damn vegetable was whole when itslipped. “Spit it out, Morgan,” Ewan said through a grimace. “She’s a doctor so patient-doctor confidentiality applies, right?” he checked.
I nodded. “Of course, and it would go much easier and quicker if you were honest with me. It will also make a difference in how I approach the problem.”
Morgan sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “It was whole, stalk end first.”
I resisted the urge to lecture them on the practices of safe sex, because this experience would deter them from making the same mistakes. With the large and wide variety of toys on the market, there was really no need to experiment with vegetables these days, and I mean large as in eggplant sized.
“How long?” I ask.
Morgan tilted his head and moved his hands about a foot apart. Wow, um, no. They clearly didn’t purchase their vegetables at the local Walmart, because I had never seen an eggplant that big. Perhaps they shopped at the organic farmers market that visited every other Monday? I’d been meaning to try it out. “I mean how long has it been in there?” I clarified.
Morgan flushed pink. “Oh, since Wednesday evening.”
Today was Friday. No wonder he was in pain. “Can you help me?” Ewan pleaded.
With the eggplant? Yes. With his dignity? Unlikely. That said, literally hundreds of people presented with this problem up and down the country at the local emergency room. Not specifically eggplants, although they were among the long and wide things that people seemed to slip on, accidentally impaling themselves.
I nodded and pushed to my feet. “Follow me,” I told him. Morgan stood, and I pointed at him. “Not you. Let’s leave a little mystery intact for your relationship.”
Morgan plonked himself back in the chair looking relieved as Ewan shuffled to follow me. I let the door bang closed, sealing us inside my examination room. “If you could drop your jeans and then lie on your left side please.”
The pain was clearly more persistent than his dignity, because Ewan’s jeans hit the floor faster than I could blink. He bent to unlace his sneakers, giving me a wonderful view of his tighty whities. He groaned and leaned on the long black cushioned table. I bent and undid his shoes for him, his ass pressing against my head. I pulled them off, followed by his jeans, and finally his underwear, then helped him into position on his side.
“You’re stronger than you look,” he commented between groans as he curled into himself, giving me perfect access.
“Looks can be deceiving,” I uttered while opening a new box of gloves and snapping on a pair. I blinked at the little Rudolph’s dotted on them. Clearly, Maggie had been in charge of ordering supplies this month, because there was no way I had ordered festive-themed medical gloves. Considering where I was about to shove Rudolph’s big nose, I didn’t think they were appropriate.
I rummaged in my baby delivery kit drawer, finding the instruments I needed along with some numbing cream which would help the passage of the vegetable.
“What are you going to do?” Ewan muttered, trying to look over his shoulder. I put a firm hand on his back.
“You need to keep in this exact position for me.”
He tensed and stared straight ahead. “Okay.”
I squirted some of the cream onto my finger and began massaging it into his anus. Did it say something about me that I would rather be doing this than sharing a meal with the pack? Definitely. I thought of Dangerous Dave, the pack’s head of security, and the never-ending suspicious looks he gave me every time he was over at my house, which was often, given his boss had holed up here.
I placed a firm hand on Ewan’s hip and did a little internal investigation. It wasn’t in too deep, and the rounded end meant I could try to use the less invasive equipment. “Do you feel it?” Ewan asked.
I blinked. Did I feel the foot long eggplant lodged in his ass?No Ewan, it has gone for a wander through your intestines. Good news though, it will sprout out of your mouth in the next few days.
“I do. Don’t worry, I will have it out in a minute or two.”
I glanced at the clock on the wall. Ugh, I was now late. Hudson wasn’t the most patient male, he would come looking for me sooner rather than later.
I withdrew my finger. The cream had both a numbing and relaxing effect on the muscle. Good thing too, given the width of this unfortunate vegetable that would never see its potential as an ingredient. What a waste.
Maneuvering the little plastic cup so it gripped the base of the eggplant, I made sure it had a good seal. “Okay, Ewan, I need you to stay relaxed and concentrate on keeping your breathing nice and steady for me.”
His hand gripped the side of the table and he made a big show of breathing loudly. Luckily, the cream had done its job and was helping his anus to stay relaxed, otherwise this would result in a trip to the emergency room where they could sedate him.
I gripped his hip and gently started to pull. The deep purple vegetable slowly made its appearance into the world, and it kept coming, and coming. I caught the end of the vegetable before it smashed to the floor.
“Is it out?” Ewan grumbled.
