Ella frowns. “What’s a chop, and why does it bust?”
“Does itburst, just like I do when I have to tee-tee?” Junie taps a thoughtful finger to her little chin.
I don’t wanna smile, but I do. They’re so damn cute.
“Are you bursting now?” Patsy scoops some of our ridiculously delicious brussels sprouts gratin onto her fork. “I can take you to the potty if you need to go.”
Junie grins. “No thank you.”
Before Sally and Wyatt got together, Patsy and John B would only be at the ranch Monday through Friday. Patsy would stock the fridge for the weekend with plenty of leftovers and stuff to make sandwiches, and we’d be on our own Saturdays and Sundays.
Now that the Powells are officially family, we all decided we’d make a big deal out of Sunday supper. It’s a really nice way to start the week. We gather in the New House’s kitchen at around three, and together we make a whole bunch of delicious food.
We rotate who gets to choose the recipes every week. This week, it was Duke and Wheeler’s turn. They chose to roast some chickens, with sides of sweet potatoes and brussels sprouts gratin. I was in the kitchen early to assist.
Mollie sips her wine. “I think people who acknowledge the truth—who try tolivetheir truth—they’re always going to be messy because life is messy.”
Ava nods. “I agree. I think being messy is a good thing.”
“Why?” Duke’s eyes are kind. “Are you finally ready to come off your BS?”
“Hey. That BS was my coping mechanism of choice.” I give him a look. “We all have ’em. Coping mechanisms. Different ones, maybe. But losing Mom and Dad the way we did, that’s not something you come out of without some wounds you gotta cover up with armor.”
Cash is still staring at me. “You ready? Finally? To talk about it?”
“Talk about what?” Sawyer scratches underneath his chin. “I’m not giving you a tough time, I’m just genuinely confused about what we’re talking about here.”
Ava gently elbows him. “I think Ryder is ready to talk about your past. Your parents too. As long as I’ve been around, he’s never done that.”
“Thank you, Ava. And seriously, Cash, ‘finally’?” I scoff. “Cut a guy some slack.”
Wheeler leans her head against my shoulder. “Heisthe baby.”
“And the favorite.” Wyatt helps himself to a third helping of chicken. “Makes sense why he’d be the most tenderhearted.”
“Can I also get some credit for being the easiest kid in the family?”
Wyatt chuckles. “There’s a dirty joke in there?—”
“That you’re not gonna make because there’s children present.” Duke rests his forearms on the table. “But really, Ry, you are the easiest out of all of us. And that’s saying something.”
“Watch your mouth.” I’m grinning as I reach for my wine.
Wheeler keeps her head on my shoulder. “But really, I have an appreciation for the roles we all take on in our families. I tried to be the easy one too, Ryder. Forgive the terrible pun, but it’s certainly not easy to manage everyone’s comfort every second of every day by pretending like you don’t feel or need anything.”
Shit, I’m gonna cry.
The impulse to swallow my feelings like I always do is strong. I’m not sure if that knee-jerk reaction will ever go away.
But now I can walk myself through other options. Like just letting myself simply…sit with my feelings because I know they’re not gonna kill me. It’ll be uncomfortable, sure. Possibly unbearable. But the more I do it, the more time passes, the less it seems to hurt.
I feel sad. Seen. Relieved that I shared my thoughts so I could be seen at all.
None of this would be happening if I kept trying to beeasy. Not this conversation. Not all the conversations I’ve had with Billie. Not the epic sex or playing guitar by the bonfire or connecting with my family in a way I never have before.
Holy fuck, this really is happening.
My face burns—this is alot—but I still let the tears fall.
