Which is why I decided to give hunting a try. It’s dove season in this part of Texas, and Lucky River Ranch is a hunter’s wet dream this time of year.
Going out to sit in a blind is also a last ditch attempt to quiet the screaming pain inside me. You gotta be fully alert when you have a shotgun in your hands. And sometimes being out in nature, surrounded by nothing but bird calls and the sound of the wind through the trees, is the best way to clear your mind.
The best way to get a grip on your emotions.
Numb them, really.
I can’t help but think that this tidal wave of grief has something to do with my conversation with Billie last week. There was a rawness to her words, and the way she felt, that has me feeling raw too.
Probably because she’s being honest with herself in a way you haven’t, and you know it’s time to make some changes, or you’re going to end up working yourself to death with nothing real to show for it.
Work is easy.
Grief, connection, honesty—those things aren’t.
I wince at the electric shock that ricochets through my breastbone. My body knows the truth. My mind, though, doesn’t want any part of it. Apparently neither does my heart.
Which sucks. I feel like I was able to let my guard down with Billie. I was moving in the right direction. But now I have my walls back up, and it’s that one step forward, two steps back bullshit that makes me wanna scream with frustration.
I know I gotta go easy on myself. Still feels all kinds of wrong to keep this conversation with my best friend surface-level.
To keep the grief at arm’s length. I know better, but turns out it’s really hard todobetter.
Colt rounds the ATV and puts a hand on my shoulder. “You all right there, bud?”
I nod. “Yeah. Glad you’re here.”
“Heard you been workin’ over-overtime. Which is a lot, even for you.”
“Word travels way too fast around here.”
Colt smiles. “That’s just us lookin’ out for you. Speaking of, thanks for bein’ so good to Billie. My family and I appreciate it, brother. She’s been smiling from ear to ear the past week, so whatever wisdom you imparted during her visit, it helped.”
So Colt heard about the tractor ride.Of course he did.
A white-hot wave of misery moves through me, even as my pulse picks up at the memory of Billie’s face after she let her thoughts air out.
Relief.
Confusion.
Hope.
She’s hurting, but she’s still showing up. Still trying. And her courage?—
Yeah, it’s fucking sexy. And scary.
Colt is a crucial part of my support system. Especially now that my brothers are all paired off and they’re focused on growing their own families. Him showing up today is a case in point. I can’t risk losing him by starting some weird hookup situation with his sister.
Let’s not forget, Colt’s wife betrayed him in a way that still affects him. Deeply. Loyalty matters more than anything to my friend—to all of us, really—and I’d rather die than sneak around on Colt the way Abby did. There’s only so much betrayal one man can withstand before he breaks.
I’m not gonna be the one to break Colt Wallace.
Clearing my throat, I say, “Billie was sweet to come all this way just to bring me dessert.”
Colt chuckles. “My sister is many things, Ryder, but sweet sure as hell ain’t one of ’em.”
We climb into the ATV and head out into the ardent autumn sunshine. It’s a beautiful day, the breeze cool, not a cloud in the sky. October blew in this week with a major storm, but in its wake, we’ve been enjoying cold mornings, crisp air, and all-around gorgeous weather.
