I shake my head. “Y’all aren’t hearing me. If I stay in this job—stay in this office—I’m gonna wither away. I refuse to let that happen. I’m resigning, Mom, whether y’all approve or not. Now can we please talk about the therapy program? I spent weeks putting together that deck.” I nod at the stapled packet in Mom’s lap.
My parents exchange another glance. My stomach clenches. They’re worried, which doesn’t help my own anxiety over whether I can pull off this crazy idea.
“I can tell you’ve put a lot of thought into this.” Dad glances at the presentation. “And I love the community outreach angle. I really do. It’s something I’d hoped to focus on one day. But that’s down the road a ways, honey. It’s something your mother and I could think about in our retirement.”
“So retire already, and help me make this dream a reality. The boys practically run the ranch themselves anyway, Dad. Doing something like this—something that’s creative, that has a real impact—it really is a dream of mine. Y’all know I’m a hard worker. Whatever I put my mind to, I make happen. I’m asking you to trust me to make this happen too.”
Judging by the way Mom sighs and Dad blinks, I’m not making great headway in that respect.
“We’ll have the help of experts in every field,” I add. “Everyone’s offered advice and help. I know y’all respect the hell out of Mollie and Cash for turning things around at Lucky River Ranch. They think big, and I wanna think big too. That’s why you’re getting us rebranded, right, Dad? It’s time to think outside the box.”
His smile doesn’t touch his eyes. “You’re so young, Billie. Too young to be making this kind of leap. It’s important to work hard at your age. Save your money, so you can?—”
“Quit once I start a family?” I stare at him. “That’s not my plan. I like working.”
Mom crosses her arms. “You might feel differently one day.”
Now I’m really gonna cry. Not just because I’m hurt—and I am really hurt—but also because I’m hugely frustrated.
“Do y’all know me at all?” My voice is thin. I curl my fingers into my chest, tears leaking out of my eyes. “That’s not who I am. That’s not who I ever was. I’m sorry I’m not the perfect daughtery’all always wanted, but I can’t pretend to be happy trying to be her anymore. I am who I am.”
Mom gets up, her eyes watery, and wraps me in a hug. “You’re breaking my heart here, Elizabeth May. I’ve always loved you just as you are. You don’t have to be anybody else for us to love you, okay? Let’s get that one thing straight.”
I nod, inhaling the familiar jasmine scent of the lotion she uses on her chapped hands. “Okay.”
“If I ever put pressure on you to be someone you weren’t, I apologize. Sincerely. I was just doing what I thought was right. That’s how I was raised.”
I keep nodding, unable to speak.
“We’ve always wanted to set you and your brothers up for success,” Dad says gently. “I told you before that I never got much guidance when I was young. I felt like I could’ve really benefitted from someone helping me out the way I’m trying to help you. Accounting is a very noble profession. It can be lucrative too.”
“We were helping you make good decisions so you wouldn’t have regrets later. Or so we thought.” Mom leans back, her hands on my shoulders. “Why didn’t you say something sooner?”
“Because I didn’t want to rock the boat, Mom. I wanted so badly towantto be an accountant. I knew how proud y’all were, and I felt like I was making a real contribution to the ranch. But I can’t…” I shake my head, eyes closed. “I can’t do it anymore. I should’ve said something. I’m realizing…”
I take a deep breath.
“What, honey?” Dad asks.
“For someone so outspoken, I’ve never really talked about important things with y’all. Colt asked me why I never told him I had a crush on Ryder?—”
“Did you really need to tell us?” Mom grins. “We all knew, honey.”
“Exactly! But wouldn’t have hurt to say it out loud. Maybe then Colt wouldn’t hate me so much right now. It wouldn’t have been such a shock, you know?”
Dad gently runs a hand up my arm. “I’ve had some words with your brother. I understand where he’s coming from, but I don’t agree with him holding a grudge like this. That’s not how things work in our family.”
I wave Dad away. “Thank you for speaking up on my behalf. But I just… I own that I’m to blame here. So even though it feels like my relationship with Ryder and this idea of starting an animal therapy program are coming out of nowhere, I’ve actually been thinking about them for a long time. I’ve thought about Ryder for years, and I’ve wanted to do something other than bookkeeping pretty much from the second I started doing it.”
Dad’s chest rises on a deep, thoughtful inhale. “If you’re really that unhappy, Billie, we need to make some changes. I’m sorry I didn’t pay better attention—I should’ve known you needed something different.”
“Thank you for saying that.” I manage a tight smile when Mom wipes away my tears. “We both have some work to do, yeah?”
Mom grins. “You’re even starting to talk like Ryder.”
“Oh God.” I put my face in my hands. “I’m turning into that girl, aren’t I?”
“Love makes you do wild things,” Dad singsongs.
