“But you can, Billie,” I say. “You know and I know that I’m happier than I’ve ever been too. And that’s because…well, Colt, your sister cracked open something inside me that I’d locked away. Didn’t realize I was living half a life until she nearly lostherlife. Her beautiful, brave life that she’s always lived with this…thisintegritythat I admire. Now I wanna live like thattoo. No more bullshit. No more distractions. Surviving…it ain’t enough anymore. This is what I want, Colt. Your sister is who I want.”
Billie is blinking back tears now. She gives me a watery smile. “You know you don’t have to convince me, right? I already said I’d be your girlfriend.”
“So y’all had that conversation already.” Colt appears unfazed by my brazen honesty. “Which means this has been goin’ on for a while.”
Billie frowns. “We’ve actually only been together for a couple of weeks now. Yeah, we started flirting after my accident, but nothing happened until very recently, and that’s because I’ve been the one pursuing him. I basically forced Ryder to stay with me at the hospital because I was so scared. We kind of connected that night, and then I was the one who pushed for more.”
“With Billie, it was different from the start,” I say. “Trust me when I say we both fought it like hell because we didn’t want this to happen. But it did, and while I’m real fuckin’ sorry we didn’t tell you sooner, I’m not sorry we ended up together.”
She manages a tight smile as she looks at me. “Youreallyfought me. Like, hard. Man made me work for it, that’s for damn sure.”
A flicker of uncertainty moves across Colt’s eyes. “That true?”
“It is, yeah.” I run a hand over my face, the weight of my exhaustion suddenly too much to bear. “Dude, look at me. I’m about to fall the fuck over. I’ve lost so much sleep over this I can’t even tell you. I hate the idea of losin’ you, or at least losin’ your trust. This wouldn’t be happening if I wasn’t one hundred percent sure that being with Billie is worth the risk.”
Her throat works on a swallow. “That means a lot.”
“Youmean a lot to me.” I turn to Colt. “You need me to prove that I’m good enough for your sister? Fine. But you gotta give me the time, then. If I don’t treat her right, you can put a bulletthrough my chest. Right here.” I tap my fingers to the center of my breastbone. “I’ll take it because I’ll deserve it.”
I hear Billie’s sharp intake of breath. “Ry?—”
“We don’t tolerate that shit in our family,” Colt replies steadily. “Anyone breakin’ hearts just because they can.”
“I’m not that guy anymore,” I say steadily.
Now Billie’s rolling her eyes. “Jesus, Colt, that’s why I’ve always had to sneak around! You and Nash and Mack and just—all y’all wouldn’t let any guys near me growing up. It was suffocating, and that wasn’t fair.”
A deep groove appears in Colt’s forehead. “Our hearts were in the right place, Billie. We were just protecting you?—”
“That’s bullshit and you know it.” Billie’s fire is back. Thank fuck. “Y’all were making my decisions for me, just like you’re doing now. You assume you know better than me—you assume you knowwhat’sbest for me—without a care for whatIwant. WhoIam.”
Colt has the grace to back down. “That was never my intention, Billie. I see what you’re saying, but?—”
“But what? ‘That’s just how things are done around here’? I don’t accept that excuse anymore, Colt. I believed that shit for years, and look where it’s led me. I live alone. I have a job I hate. I’m so terrified of disappointing everyone else that I’ve just…ugh, left myself behind, and no one seems to give a shit.”
“You think I don’t give a shit?” The pain in Colt’s voice rips a hole through my center. “I love you, Billie. That’s all this is. I love you too much to let you end up heartbroken. Because I’ve been there before, and it’s… Billie, it’ll wreck you.”
Her voice is trembling again when she says, “I love you too. I’m sorry you were betrayed before, and I’m sorry I betrayed you again. That wasn’t right. But I need you to see how different these two scenarios are. This one could have a happy ending, Colt.” She pauses. “Please don’t take that away from me.”
Colt closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, just like he did when Dean was giving him a hard time earlier.
My chest twists. The guy hasn’t had it easy. But he still gets up every damn day and works his ass off for the people he loves. Me included.
“We’re all just trying to do the right thing here, Colt.” My voice is hoarse. “Show us some grace, yeah? I get that this is hard for you, but it doesn’t have to end badly. You haven’t exactly been available lately either—you gotta trust us when we say we would’ve told you sooner if you’d been around.”
Colt opens his eyes. He blinks, then shakes his head with a rueful scoff. “This fuckin’ month just won’t quit. First Dad brings some random-ass sorority girl to the ranch for a ‘rebrand,’ whatever the fuck that means. Then I find out my best friend’s been sneaking around behind my back with my sister.” He scoffs again. “If that’s not one kick to the nuts after another…”
Billie stares at him. “You’ve got to be kidding. Are you really making this all about you right now?”
“It’s never just about me, same as it’s never just about you,” he shoots back. “I have a kid to raise. A legacy to protect. Y’all sure as hell don’t make that easy.”
“I think about our legacy all the time!” Billie shouts. “But what does that legacy matter if we’re all miserable trying to keep it alive? Why can’t our legacy be, I don’t know, unconditional love and acceptance? How radical wouldthatbe?”
Colt wipes his eyes on his sleeve. “Y’all are adults. You can do whatever the hell you want. But I don’t—” He hesitates. “Y’all hurt me today. Whether or not you meant to, I still feel betrayed, and both of you know that’s a sore spot. Billie, you don’t accept the fact that I wanna keep you safe? Then I don’t accept the fact that you wanna date a guy whose track record leaves a lot to be desired. Don’t let me see y’all together, and definitely don’t comerunning to me, Billie, when he does what he always does and leaves.”
Watching him turn and walk away, I feel like dying.
I feel weak with relief. Regret. Complete and utter exhaustion.
