Tate glances over his shoulder. “Be careful, all right?”
“I’m always careful.”
I hear him chuckle. “No, you’re not. Love you, sis.”
“Love you more.”
CHAPTER 19
Kiss the Rain
BILLIE
I ride for a long time,my pace slow but steady.
There’s a meditative quality to the sound of my horse’s hooves clomping in the pale earth. My pulse beats in time to her steady cadence, my body rolling with her movements in a way that makes me feel capable. Strong.
I know I’ve only known Lainey for all of five minutes, but she seems to have no problem at all trusting herself. I should take a page from her book and trustmyselfto do the right thing here.
I don’t love my job, so I should start exploring other options.
I’m falling in love with Ryder, so I should tenderly—patiently—explore the connection we have.
I respect my brother and want the best for him, so I should come clean about the feelings I have for his friend.
I don’t know what I’ll do if Colt tells me point-blank to stay away from Ryder. I’m not sure he would do that, but I understandwhyhe would. The Rivers boys have their, ahem, reputation for a reason. Especially Duke and Ryder—they’re known to chase women but never keep them. Duke dated around a little, but as far as I know, Ryder’s never had a girlfriend. Picking up girls at the rodeo is more his style.
Then again, isn’t Duke settling down with Wheeler proof that the boys will change for the right person? What if I’m the right person for Ryder?
I know Colt just wants to keep me safe. He doesn’t want to see my heart get broken. But at some point, he has to trust me to make the right decision. I’m not anyone’s baby girl or kid sister anymore.
I need space to figure myself out. Make mistakes.
Maybe make some magic while I’m at it.
More thunder. Goose bumps break out on my arms and legs as I watch the storm roll in, the warm breeze picking up. The old oaks creak overhead, their leaves sighing as the first raindrops begin to fall.
I like the gentle sound they make when they hit the ground. Somehow the sun is still shining, creating this gorgeous rainbowlike effect where the bright yellow light glints off the rain, transforming it into sparks of silver and gold.
My being aches at the beauty of it. The hills, the rain. It’s coming down in sheets now. The way my horse doesn’t break her stride, clearly content to get soaked along with me in the hot weather.
“What are we gonna do, sweet girl?” I whisper.
I know what my next moveshouldbe. But am I really ready to burn life as I know it to the ground? Because it’s a good life. Perfect? No.
It’s good, though. Decent. Safe.
Am I an asshole to want more than that? How much happiness and fulfillment and joy can I expect out of life?
I don’t expect things to be perfect, though. I don’tneedthem to be perfect. I just want my life to feel more likeme.
I’m not safe or decent. I’m also not sweet. It’s kind of a crime when you think about it, that we expect girls to be docileand kind,sugary sweet, when boys can be as untamed and ill-behaved as they please.
“I don’t know why I just called you sweet.” I’m patting my horse again. “I’m sorry about that. You don’t need to be sweet for me. Be as wild as you like, sister. Maybe that’ll give me permission to be wild too.”
Like you ever needed it.
I urge her into a trot. My elbow bangs against my side, lighting up with pain, so I have her slow down again.
