“But what is happening could impact your future,” I persisted.
She looked away, lips pressing into a flat line. She was quiet for so long that I didn’t think she was going to answer. “I believe that our King knows how important it is to the entire Court. He will not fail us.”
My heart did a weird thing. It swelled because even knowing how important his duty was, the King had chosenme. Then it sank all the way to the pit of my stomach because he was going to fail them.
Her gaze slid back to mine. “Tatiana was here before I arrived. I imagine she has become more than aware of the King’s feelings for you. I do not believe he has spent more than a handful of minutes with her. I also imagine it was she who filled you in on what would happen if the King doesn’t choose a Queen.”
Seeing no point in lying, I nodded.
“Did she tell you that while some fae choose to be monogamous, we are accepting of relationships which do not start with one person and end with a second. Especially forsomeone like our King, whose duties may not align with his heart.”
“She did, but…” My mind was all over the place. “But you’re suggesting that Caden could marry a fae while keeping me and…and our child in the picture?”
“Yes. However, he would also need to provide an heir,” she said. Before I could question that, she added, “I’m sure your child with him will be a full-blooded fae, but only a child between the King and Queen would be recognized as a Prince or Princess.”
“This is some medieval bullshit nonsense,” I told her.
She lifted her hands helplessly. “Be that as it may, would that kind of arrangement be suitable to you?”
“Basically, being a mistress with a child that wouldn’t be recognized—”
“I am sure your son or daughter would be welcomed warmly and would be loved and taken care of,” she interceded. “We are notthatmedieval.”
Never in my life did I think to even answer a question like this. “No,” I said, and it rang true. “It’s not like I think unorthodox relationships are wrong. I couldn’t care less. It’s just not something I could do. I couldn’t even try.”
Luce opened her mouth and then closed it. Several moments passed. “You don’t have to decide anything right now.”
“But I do.” I closed my eyes briefly. “I mean, I already have. I will keep the b-baby.” I rose swiftly on unsteady legs, causing Luce’s gaze to turn wary. “I’m pro-choice and pro-mind your-own-business. But I can’t do that.”
And I couldn’t.
I looked down at the fluffy robe as a knot of raw emotion choked me. I was pregnant. This was my child. This was Caden’s child.Ourchild. And he or she would be the only thing I would have of Caden. A small, beautiful piece of him. Proof that ourlove for one another was real, even if we hadn’t the chance to explore it.
Because I could not risk the world.
Not even for love.
Chapter 46
Luce watched me as if she expected me to topple over at any second, which was possible. As I started to pace in front of the couch, I felt as if each step were as uncertain as a child learning to walk.
Something that I would have to help this child learn.
Oh God.
I would need to teach the child how to eat, brush their teeth, sit up, and—
“So, what are you going to do then?” Luce asked.
That was a good question. WhatwasI going to do? Who could I even ask? I had very few friends, and none of them had any baby-making experience. But I knew I couldn’t stay. Leaving here would be hard. I’d never been anywhere before, but I would have to move. Where? No clue. I felt pretty confident that the Order would approve a transfer, especially after everything that had happened. Then what? I’d be a single mother to a full-blooded fae?
A single mom who may or may not lose control of her senses?
That would be problematic.
Rubbing my brow, I continued pacing. “I don’t know exactly what I’m doing, but I can’t…I can’t stay here.”
Her brows lifted. “During your pregnancy? I imagine that the King would want you to stay with him—”
