For some reason, her words sting.I want to reassure her, tell her that she’s wrong to worry, but I can’t lie to her any more than I can lie to myself.
I have no idea how I’m going to raise this child, what kind of lessons I’m going to impart.Men like me—men like my father—aren’t meant to have children.She knows it, and I know it too.
As though sensing my thoughts, Nora asks quietly, “Why do you even want this baby, Julian?Why is it so important to you?”
I look at her silently, unsure how to answer the question.There’s no good reason for this child to be as important to me as it is.No reason for me to want it as badly as I do.I should’ve been upset—or at the very least, annoyed—by Nora’s pregnancy, but instead, when Goldberg gave us the news, the emotion I felt was so foreign that I didn’t recognize it at first.
It was joy.
Pure, unadulterated joy.
For a brief, blissful moment, I was truly happy.
When I don’t respond, Nora exhales and looks down at her plate again.I watch as she cuts a piece of tomato and begins to eat her salad.Her face is pale and strained, yet each of her movements is so graceful and feminine that I’m hypnotized, completely absorbed by the sight of her.
I can watch her for hours.
When I first brought her to the island, the mealtimes were my favorite part of the day.I loved interacting with her, seeing her battle her fear and try to maintain her composure.Her stoic, fragile bravery had delighted me almost as much as her delicious body.She’d been terrified, yet I could see the calculation behind her timid smiles and shy flirting.
In her own quiet way, my pet has always been a fighter.
“Nora…” I want to take away her stress, her understandable worry, but I can’t lie to her.I can’t pretend to be someone I’m not.So when she looks up, I say only, “This baby is part you, part me.That’s reason enough for me to care.”And when she continues to look at me, her expression unchanging, I add quietly, “I’m going to do the best I can for our child, my pet.That much I can promise you.”
The corners of her lips lift in a fleeting smile.“Of course you will, Julian.And so will I.But will that be enough?”
“We’ll just have to wait and see, won’t we?”I respond, and as Ana brings out the next course, we focus on the food and let the topic rest.
12
Nora
“Didyou see the girl who was brought here this morning?”Rosa asks during our usual walk.“Ana said she was handcuffed and everything.”
“What?”I give Rosa a startled look.“What girl?I went for a quick run before breakfast, and I didn’t see anything.”
“I didn’t see anything either.Ana told me she spotted her, and she’s really blond and beautiful.Apparently, Lucas Kent is keeping her in his quarters.”Rosa is clearly relishing imparting this bit of gossip.“Ana thinks she might’ve betrayed Señor Esguerra in some way.”
“Really?”I frown.“I don’t know anything about any of this.Julian didn’t mention it to me.”In general, since I hacked into Julian’s computer, he’s been telling me less about his business.I don’t know if that’s because he now distrusts me or because he’s trying to keep me as calm as possible in light of the pregnancy.I suspect it’s the latter, given how overprotective he is these days.
“Do you want to walk by Kent’s house to see?”Rosa’s eyes glitter with excitement.“Maybe we can peek in his window.”
I gape at her.“Rosa!”This is the last thing I would’ve expected from her.“We can’t do that.”
“Come on,” my friend cajoles.“It’ll be fun.Don’t you want to see who this blond girl is and why Kent’s got her?”
“I can just ask Julian about it.He’ll tell me.”
Rosa gives me a pleading look.“Yes, but I might die of curiosity before he does.I just want to see what Kent’s doing with her, that’s all.”
“Why?”I have no desire to see Julian’s right-hand man torture some unfortunate woman, and I have no idea why Rosa wants to witness something so disturbing.“If she betrayed Julian, it won’t be pretty.”My stomach lurches at the thought.Today is not one of my better days, nausea-wise.
Rosa flushes.“Just because.Come on, Nora.”Grabbing my wrist, she begins to tug me in the direction of the guards’ quarters.“Let’s just go over there.You’re pregnant, so no one will get mad at you for snooping.”
I let myself get towed behind her, flabbergasted by her inexplicable desire to play spy.Normally, Rosa displays little interest in matters concerning my husband’s criminal activities.I can’t fathom what’s behind her unusual behavior, unless…
“Are you interested in Lucas?”I blurt out, stopping and bringing us both to a halt.“Is that what this is all about?”
“What?No!”Rosa’s voice takes on a higher pitch.“I’m just curious, that’s all.”
