A stifled sob startles me, and I realize that it’s Nora.
She’s crying, her slim body shaking in my arms.I can feel the wetness from her tears on my neck, and it burns me like acid.
For a moment, I had forgotten how much she doesn’t want this child.
How much she doesn’t want a child withme.
“Hush, my pet.”The words come out harsher than I intended, but I can’t help it.The unpleasant tightness in my chest is back, and with it, the irrational urge to hurt her.Fighting it, I say in a softer tone, “This is not the end of the world, believe me.”
She stills, falling silent for a moment, but then another sob racks her body.And another.
I can’t take it anymore.Her misery is like a hot knife plunging into my side—agonizing and maddening at the same time.
Thrusting my hand into her hair, I close my fist around the silky strands and pull her head back, forcing her to look up at me.Her eyes, wide and shocked, meet mine.I can see the tears sparkling on her lashes, and the sight enrages me further, awakening the beast inside.
Her lips tremble, parting as if she would speak, but I lower my head, swallowing her words with a deep, hard kiss.Lust, sharp and strong, kindles in my veins, hardening my cock and clouding my brain.I want her, and I want to punish her at the same time.I can feel her struggling against me, taste the salt from her tears, and it spurs me on, heightening the twisted hunger.
I’m not sure how we end up on the bed, with her stretched helplessly beneath me, but the clothes we’re wearing seem like an intolerable barrier, so I tear them off, feeling more animal than man.My fingers close around her wrists, transferring both of them into my left hand, and my knees push between her thighs, parting them roughly.
I can hear Nora pleading, begging me to stop, but I can’t.The need to possess her is like a fire under my skin, burning away all rational thought.Grasping my cock with my free hand, I guide it to her opening and penetrate her in one deep thrust, taking her body as I long to claim her heart and soul.
She’s small and tight around me, her muscles clenching desperately to keep me out, but the squeezing pressure only intensifies my violent urge to fuck her.Her resistance maddens me, drives me to take her harder, to batter her with my cock as I hold her pinned under my body.Every thrust is a merciless claim, a brutal conquest of that which already belongs to me.I fuck her for what feels like hours, cognizant of nothing but the ferocious hunger seething under my skin.
It’s not until I collapse on top of her, breathing heavily from an explosive orgasm, that the fog of lust clears from my mind, and I realize what I’ve done.
Releasing her wrists, I push up onto my elbows and gaze down at her, my cock still buried inside her body.She’s lying underneath me, her eyes squeezed shut and her face pale.I can see a smear of blood on her lower lip.I either cut it with my teeth or she bit it in pain.
As I stare at her, she slowly opens her eyes, meeting my gaze… and for the first time in decades, I taste the bitter ashes of remorse.
8
Nora
My mind is blank,emptied of all thought as I look at Julian.I’m vaguely aware that he’s still inside me, but that’s all I can process at the moment.I feel broken, destroyed, the raw soreness of my body amplified by the deep, stabbing pain in my soul.
I don’t know why this bout of rough sex felt so much like a violation.Why it reminded me of those early days on the island, when Julian was my cruel captor instead of the man I love.Only a couple of days ago, he tortured me with a flogger and nipple clamps, and I reveled in it, begging for more.
I begged today too, but it wasn’t for more.Sex wasn’t what I wanted—not with my heart breaking for the tiny life growing inside me.
For the innocent child conceived by two killers.
“Nora…” Julian’s voice is an aching whisper.The pain in it tugs at what remains of my heart.I want to hate him for hurting me, but I can’t.It’s part of his nature.It’s who he is.
It’s why any child of ours is doomed.
I hold his gaze, feeling like I’m crumbling into pieces.“Let me go, Julian.Please.”
“I can’t.”His face twists, the scars around his eye standing out in stark relief.“I can’t, Nora.”
I swallow painfully, knowing he’s not talking about our physical position.“I’m not asking that of you.Please, I just— I just need a moment.”
He withdraws from me, rolling over onto his back, and I turn away onto my side, gathering my knees to my chest.The nausea that plagued me earlier is gone, but I feel weak.Exhausted.My body aches from Julian’s hard use, and a sense of hopelessness engulfs me, adding to my growing despair.
I’m barely cognizant of Julian getting up.It’s only when he presses a warm washcloth between my legs that I realize he must’ve gone to the bathroom and returned.I don’t have the energy to move, so I lie still and let him clean the residue of sex off my thighs.
Afterwards, he pulls me into his embrace and covers us both with a blanket.As the familiar warmth of his body seeps into me, lulling me to sleep, I dream that I feel the brush of his lips against my temple and hear a whispered, “I’m sorry.”
“As I beganto explain last night, this pregnancy was improbable, but not impossible,” Dr.Goldberg says as I sit down on the couch next to Julian.“The morning-after pill is ineffective about five percent of the time, and your probability of being able to conceive a few days after the removal of the old implant was also somewhere in the five-percent range, so if you do the math…” He shrugs, giving me a sheepish smile.
