“That was a joke, Lee. I don’t share.”
“I didn’t ask you to share. I don’t want him.”
Isn’t that obvious? Has it not been painfully obvious to everyone around?
“You didn’t want me either until tonight,” he counters, stepping back. “It’s just because you can’t have me.”
“I can’t?”
Wait, is he for real?
“I don’t cheat, Levi. So no, you can’t.” His brows pinch and his gaze drops to the floor. “You didn’t have any interest when I was single, and you don’t really want me now. I have a good thing with Leo. It’s not perfect, but it’s... good.”
And that’s why I hate Leo already. Sidney deserves perfect, nothing less, and that’s something I could never be. It’s why I stay away, why I’ve never made a move until right now, and even now I hate myself for it.I don’t really want you? Pretty boy... I don’t want anything else. You’re the only reason I keep going.“I forgot he existed again. Guess it’s the tequila.”
I drink more and stare at the bare wall that used to have a huge canvas of Roman Stag’s bare ass as he streaked across stage, but I guess Bash decided to move that for his girl. That’s what people do when they find the one, they grow, and I’m just a stagnant motherfucker with no roots. I’ll never reach the sky with him.
So I’ll stay where I belong.
“Right.” He snatches the bottle from the table and takes a sip larger than a shot. “Maybe I can forget this conversation since it seems to help you forget so much.”
Yeah, be mad at me, Sidney. Don’t thank me for anything because your kindness makes me weak, and I need to stay strong to keep myself from kissing you every second I’m near you.“So grouchy. It’s probably because you miss getting blowjobs.”
It catches him off guard a little, but he shrugs, and he’s still standing here so I guess I’m not doing that badly. “Yes and no. I prefer giving, but every once in a while it would be nice I guess. But he puts up with my weird shit so I put up with his.”
Of course he’s a giver. I pegged that the moment I met him. Wait, did he say — “Weird shit? What kind of weird? What are your kinks, pretty boy? Now you gotta share.”
He glances behind him like he’s desperate for someone to interrupt, but no one does. “It’s not that weird, okay? I just... prefer a little pain, I don’t like to get off until I’ve earned it, and I... that’s it. Just the two.”
The blush on his cheeks says otherwise, but I don’t think I can handle more. Every time I’m near him he only proves that he was made for me. “Those things aren’t weird to me at all.” But I hate that he’s the one giving it to you. I scan his frame wondering what marks are hidden from view and squeeze the bottle of tequila in my hand. “Do you like being bitten, Sid?”
His fucking pupils blow and I swear his jeans stretch. “We should get back to the others, they’re probably wondering where we are.”
Fuck. I’m not strong enough to be alone with him. Even now my fingers twitch with the desire to pull him in and bite that neck so everyone can see how he looks when he’s truly claimed. I want to reach out and rub his cock through his pants so I can hear how he responds. Something tells me he would whimper,that he’s a vocal little bottom not afraid to beg.I don’t just want you, Sidney. I fucking need you.“Go ahead. I’m not done drinking.”
Leave me behind.
“Levi... just come with me. You’ll feel like shit tomorrow if you keep drinking.”
The concern in his eyes nearly has me melting, but I look away before I cave. “That’s my secret, baby boy. I always feel like shit.”
Setting the bottle down, I walk past him in the opposite direction to go get some air, Bash’s balcony giving me the space to breathe and internally kick my own ass for what I just did. I told myself I’d never try to hook up with him, and not five minutes after meeting his boyfriend, I was plotting and trying to find a way to get him alone. A way to make him mine.
But he will never be mine, because I’ll only break his heart. I think it’s time I disappear for a while.
