Chapter Eight:
Can You Feel My Heart?
Levi
Did his eyes get bluer? I don’t know if it’s the sunlight peaking through the tour bus windows or what, but I can’t look away. Something about him seems sad though, maybe that’s why they seem lighter today? His eyes have always given away what he’s feeling inside.
Fuck, I missed him, and he probably misses Leo. The thought makes me want to hit someone even though it shouldn’t. I don’t have the right.
“You almost seem disappointed. Do you like finding me people to fuck?”
“It’s what I live for,” he deadpans. “I just know how you get when you don’t have sex. I don’t mean just getting off, I mean human connection, however fleeting it might be.”
Yeah, well... none of those connections are with you, so they may as well be nothing.
I’ve gone months without meaningless sex, and at first, it was something I craved like an addiction. But now? I’m just numb. Before sex was ever an option, my human connection was friendships and music. While that was a lonely time in my life, it was nothing compared to how I feel now surrounded by people. All I know I don’t want sex as much as I want to hold him, and Idon’t even know what that means. “How about this? If I’m ever dying for a connection, will you hold my hand?”
Please smile. It’s been so fucking long since I’ve seen that smile.
His eyes drop to where I have my hands shoved in my hoodie pocket and squint like he’s confused. He’s silent for so long I almost take it back and claim it was another joke, but he nods. He fucking nods. “Yeah. I think I can do that.”
And I think I’m in love with you.
The realization slaps me in the face so strongly it knocks the air from my lungs, and if I was a better man, I’d tell him I was joking and go back to keeping my distance even though it’s slowly killing me. But I’m not a better man, I’m a weak one.
So I immediately grab his hand and close my eyes.
I don’t want to see whatever his face is going to do this time. But when his fingers go from stiff as a board to relaxed and laced with mine, the corner of my mouth quirks up. He needs this too, which means Leotard is slacking.
“What the fuck is going on over here?” Carter asks, snapping me out of it way too goddamn soon. “Are you stealing my rockstar, Sid?”
“I wouldn’t have to if you knew the first thing about handling one,” he counters. “Did you want to hold his hand instead?”
“Hell no. Is this how you plan onhandlinghim all tour? Keeping him glued to your side?”
He sits his dumbass down across from us like we invited him to stay, and I narrow my eyes at him. “We were trying to nap. Go away.”
“Nah, my favorite show is on. Just keep going, pretend I’m not here.”
Sidney scoffs, but his fingers tighten around mine. “Favorite show? What’s that supposed to mean?”
Fuck.
I’ll fire him.
He’s about to put all of this on blast, and Sidney and I are nowhere near ready for that conversation. I let him talk shit and make fun of me for it all when it’s just us, but not here. He won’t make Sid feel any shittier than I’ve already made him. “Hey,Handler. How about you call the hotel we’re staying at tonight and make sure they have all the shit I need? You forgot last time and I let it slide, but I’m not feeling as nice today.”
I give him a look that saysfuck all the way off, and while he hesitates, he gets up muttering under his breath and heads back toward the front.
The damage might be done though.
“What do you think he meant?”
I shrug a shoulder and avoid his gaze, staring down at our hands until I feel relaxed again. “Probably me making an ass out of myself high, and you yelling at me for it. I’m not that high anymore though, just chill.”
“I only yell at you for it when you’re being unsafe. I worry about you.”
I don’t deserve that, but I’m too fucked up to tell you to not care.“And now? Will you still yell at me for it?”
