Because Vaughn had surely turned me into one, though he hadn’t actually had to do anything other than let me use his body night after night.
I couldn’t get enough of that feeling of being free and floating. And when Vaughn closed that bedroom door behind us and locked it every night, the outside world fell away. After that, things played out much like they had the first night. I wasn’t comfortable having Vaughn’s weight on top of me, even just for kissing, so it was always me lying on top of him. And while I was okay with being naked when we showered together afterwards, my mind was convinced that things would go terribly wrong if we were naked beforehand.
Which wasn’t really fair to Vaughn, since he was forced to find his pleasure while still wearing his pajama bottoms.
But he never once complained, and when I once tried to apologize that I couldn’t get over my fears more quickly, he’d silenced me with a passionate kiss and had told me what was happening between us was perfect just the way it was.
As slow as things were progressing in the bedroom, they were moving at a snail’s pace when it came to finding Gio. Vaughn and the guys spent most days strategizing and going through all the chatter that my “return” had generated. I’d asked Vaughn to let me read some of the comments on one of the fake posts King had created, but it’d been a mistake because all it had done was set me back. Technically, the posts Vaughn had let me see were probably pretty tame, but it hadn’t mattered… my mind had sought to defend itself. I hadn’t blacked out, but I’d retreated to our room, thrown up the full lunch I’d eaten, and cried in Vaughn’s arms as he’d gotten me in the shower to clean me off. Despite the fact that he’d seen me naked a dozen times in the shower at that point, I’d been so upset I’d freaked when he’d tried to take his clothes and mine off. We’d ended up showering in our clothes and only when I’d calmed down had I let him undress me.
I’d tried to apologize to him, but he’d reminded me that the old me either would have escaped the whole thing by blacking out or shutting down to the point that Vaughn would have been able to do anything he wanted to me. He’d said my behavior was more in line with what he would have expected to see.
It’d been a compliment of sorts, though I knew he hadn’t exactly meant it that way. But I’d seen it as me reacting to an extraordinary situation like a normal person instead of a freak who wasn’t in control of his own mind or body.
I hadn’t looked at any of the comments on the posts after that, and Vaughn had made sure none of the guys talked about specific posters and whether or not they were Stylianos if I was around.
The picture I’d had to take with Luca had been another really rough time. The mere act of kneeling at the man’s feet while he’d put his big hand on my head like I was a prized pet had made it really easy to not need to act for the camera. We’d gotten the image in one take and as soon as King had said it would work, Vaughn had told everyone to leave. Luca had already been on his feet, stopping only long enough to help me up. Then he’d been out the door like a shot. I’d stood numbly in Vaughn’s embrace for a while and then we’d gone for a long walk on the beach and he’d held my hand the entire time.
I’d never looked at the picture.
During the week, King and Con had come and gone and Luca had spent most of his time holed up in his office. Dinners were the only times they came together unless they needed to have a strategy meeting.
And while the lack of leads seemed to cause Luca to withdraw into himself more and more, he’d done something very unexpected on my third day at the house.
He’d had flowers delivered.
And not flower arrangements.
Actual flowers.
Formeto arrange.
There’d been dozens of types and they’d kept coming each day, along with a slew of different kinds of vases and bases. I’d beenshocked, but when I’d tried to thank him, he’d waved me off and told me to put the arrangements where I wanted to in the house. Vaughn had seemed stunned by the gesture as well but hadn’t said anything to Luca.
Most of my days were spent coming up with creative arrangements that incorporated things I found on the beach during my daily walks with Vaughn. And the nights found me wrapped in Vaughn’s arms. When I wasn’t with Vaughn, I was thinking about him.
Yeah, I was definitely addicted to him.
But I didn’t know what that meant when all of this was over.
“Don’t you agree, Aleks?”
The sound of my name drew me from my thoughts.
“What?” I asked. I looked down at the food on my plate and noticed I’d managed to eat quite a bit of it while I’d been lost in thoughts of Vaughn.
That was new too… my body was finally starting to look forward to eating.
Maybe it was all the exercise I was getting by walking on the beach every day?
And grinding against Vaughn’s hard body at night…
“Aleks…”
“What?”
I looked up and realized I’d zoned out again.
Con was the one trying to get my attention.
