I didn’t respond to that because I didn’t know how. It wasn’t like I wanted to throw myself to the wolves to save their relationship. And if Luca had been willing to take me off the street just like those other guys had, did that really make him any better?
He’s trying to get his son back.
My thoughts shifted to Gio… a topic I’d been trying to avoid from the moment I’d heard his name. I felt cold run throughout my entire body as I thought about what the little boy would have gone through. What if I’d seen him at some point?
“Do you really think you guys can find him?” I asked.
It was eerie how Vaughn seemed to know exactly what I was talking about.
“I don’t know,” he admitted. “It’s been a while since we’ve had a credible lead.”
“Credible?”
“It means valid… substantial.”
I nodded, feeling foolish.
“They took so many kids, James,” I whispered. I wasn’t sure why it was so important to use his first name.
Yes I did.
It was my way of telling him something he probably didn’t want to hear. And I didn’t actually want to tell him, especially considering that I’d been found after so many years. But I also knew my situation wasn’t typical. I’d seen the parties the men had had where they could trade and buy kids, or just show them off to one another… or even share them. There was no way Vaughn and his friends could have saved them all. Not all the kids had even lived long enough to be found by their loved ones. Some had even resorted to taking their own lives…
“I know,” Vaughn acknowledged. “But we can’t stop looking… not until we know for sure.”
“You shouldn’t,” I said. “It’s just…”
“Yeah,” Vaughn whispered.
So he knew what I was trying to say. They needed to keep looking because if Gio was alive, he was waiting for them. But they needed to be prepared to not find him, or worse…
I felt sick to my stomach as I considered how Vaughn, and especially Luca, must be feeling. My own brother had been through everything these men were experiencing and I knew it had changed him forever. My abduction had also meant he’d been stuck in time. He’d been lucky enough to find Magnus, but if he’d had to choose between spending his future with Magnus and continuing the search for me, he would have chosen me each and every time.
I rubbed my temple because my head began to hurt. I didn’t want Vaughn in that world anymore. It was dangerous and the things he had to witness…
But I didn’t want him to stop looking for Gio either. The boy would be a teenager by now… not much younger than me when Vaughn had saved me. God, what if Luca was right? What if Dante showing up to save me had ruined any possibility of Gio being found? What horrible things had the boy suffered through in the days, weeks, months, and years after that one chance had been stolen away?
Every day I’d been trying to live a normal life, Gio had been waiting for his own rescue.
“Hey,” Vaughn said as he put his hand on my back and began rubbing circles into it. “Nothing about that night was guaranteed except that you, your brother, and Magnus would have died if I hadn’t done something. It wasn’t even a choice for me.”
I wanted to believe him… that he hadn’t had a choice in choosing to save me versus finding his nephew. But I didn’t. Luca had said it himself… Vaughn would lay down and die to protect me. What if that were true? What did it mean? Why was I different? He would have met so many victims in the years he’d spent in that world… would he have done for them what he was currently doing for me? Would he have chosen them over his own flesh and blood?
“I… I need to lie down,” I whispered. “I don’t feel good.”
That was the absolute truth. Of course, if I could have found a way to just lie down there on the floor in front of the toilet, I would have. But not surprisingly, Vaughn’s arm went around me to help me stand. I still had his wet shirt in my hands but when he went to take it from me, I held onto it. He let me keep it and unlocked the door. We ran into Con in the hallway. He had a serving tray with food on it and the smell instantly had me turning back into the bathroom. I threw up into the toilet until there was nothing left in my system, but my body wouldn’t stop trying to expel something that wasn’t there.
It could have been minutes or hours before a cold washcloth was pressed against my face. I could hear Vaughn and Con talking, but I couldn’t make out the words. Then my body was moving, but my legs weren’t. It wasn’t until I was laid in a bed that I realized Vaughn had had to carry me there.
I wanted the darkness to claim me because it was easier there and that made me ashamed. I wondered if Gio had found something that brought him peace when he needed it.
“Alstroemeria… friendship,” I whispered.
God, I was such a coward.
Cool fingers drifted over my temple. “It’s okay, Aleks, just rest.”
Vaughn.
