Like if I did, I’d miss something important. I hadn’t knownwhatexactly, but it hadn’t mattered. That seed had been planted. Then it had gotten worse.
Because I’d begun to look forward to seeing him – even if it was while I was being taken to see Father or any number of the men who came to admire Father’s well-behaved pet.
I’d still somehow managed to escape into that place in my head during the worst of times when Vaughn wasn’t around, but after a while he’d started showing up on the beach with me and my family. Near the end just before Dante had come for me, it had somehow only been me and Vaughn on that beach. We hadn’t been doing anything but sitting on the sand watching the sun set, but it’d beenhowwe’d been sitting that my mind had craved. I’d been in front of Vaughn with his legs on either side of my body. My back had been pressed against his chest and his powerful arms had been wrapped around me, protecting me from the biting wind. Every once in a while, he’d leaned down and whispered something into my ear, but I’d never been able to make out the actual words.
But all that was gone now.
There was no safe place to go anymore… it had abandoned me when I’d finally stopped needing it. I’d been kind of glad, but now I had to wonder if maybe it hadn’t been too high of a price.
Two years of freedom.
Of feeling safe.
And hoping.
All those things had had an expiration date but that safe spot in my head had been a sure thing. It had become my best friend. And I’d happily cast it aside.
God, I was such a naïve fool.
The first bite of protein bar felt like a rock as it landed in my belly. And I knew in that moment this was one order I couldn’t follow. I felt tears sting my eyes as I began retching. Humiliation went through me as I threw up all over myself. It was mostly just the dreaded piece of protein bar and a little bit of water, but it felt like what little pride I had left exited my body at the same time. I began sobbing uncontrollably.
I heard my name whispered softly then suddenly I was dragged against a broad chest. I was enfolded in the warmest embrace I’d ever known and that just made the betrayal sting even more.
I told myself to push him away.
I told myself to call him every swear word I’d ever heard my brother use.
I told myself to order him not to touch me or I’d kill him.
I didn’t do any of those things. To my horror, I fisted my hands in his shirt and opened my mouth against the spot on his neck where his top button had been left undone. I let out a bloodcurdling cry that didn’t sound human.
I hated him.
I just fucking hated him.
Except I didn’t.
And that was what was so messed up.
What I was feeling wasn’t anger. The pain ripping through me was a thousand times worse than the many times my body had been stolen from me and violated in the ugliest of ways.
“I trusted you,” I cried out. “You made me trust you!”
A big hand came up to clasp the back of my head. “I know, baby,” Vaughn murmured against my ear.
Like how he’d whispered to me on that beach… the one in my head.
My safe place.
The safe place that no longer existed.
The endearment felt like the cruelest of violations though, and for the second time in as many years, I did fight. I shoved back from him, but he refused to let me go. I’d gotten some of my sick on him and I could still taste it in my mouth, but he didn’t seem to care.
“Aleks, listen to me!”
“No!” I shouted. “I trusted—”
“Just fucking listen, Aleks! And I swear on my life, I’ll call Dante for you myself when I’m done if that’s still what you want!”
