“Stop fucking lying!” Reese shouted as he jumped to his feet. “Just fucking stop!”
“I’m not—” Everett began, completely taken aback by his son’s abrupt change in behavior, but Reese wouldn’t let him continue.
“You’re such a fucking hypocrite! It was okay for you to fuck around with guys, but when I… when I…” A choked sob escaped Reese’s throat and he covered his eyes with his hand. “But when I needed you to be okay with that being a part ofmylife, you…”
I stiffened as understanding dawned. Everett went completely still as he realized what his son was trying to tell him.
“Reese, what?—”
“She told me what you said when she told you,” Reese whispered. “You said you’d rather your kid be… be…”
“Be what?” Everett asked, his voice gentling as he moved toward his son. Reese began shaking his head.
“It’s okay, you can say it,” Everett whispered as he stopped in front of Reese. My heart hurt for the other man as he began to cry. He released his cane and covered both eyes with his hands, as if trying to stop the tears that fell.
When he finally spoke the words, it was so quiet, you could hear a pin drop in the room. But I still barely heard the whispered admission that I knew was the true reason Reese had fled from his father so many years ago.
“You’d rather your kid be dead then be a fag.”
Chapter 30
EVERETT
I turnedevery ounce of rage I was feeling toward Elanor inward and reached up to put my hand against the back of Reese’s neck. Although he was bigger and heavier than me and could have done real damage to me bodily if he wanted to, all I saw was my tormented little boy who truly believed the lie he’d been told. I wasn’t even interested in fixing the damage that had been done at the moment. I just wanted my boy to hear the words he should have heard back then when he’d found the courage to admit who he truly was.
“I love you, Reese,” I said softly. He let out a harsh sob and shook his head. “I love you so much. You are perfect exactly as you are, and I’m so proud to call you my son.”
Reese choked on another sob. He didn’t resist when I pulled him forward. It wasn’t until my arms went around him that he suddenly grabbed onto me and then tucked his face into the crook of my neck. His tears quickly soaked through the shirt I was wearing, but I didn’t care. I just clung to him and kept telling him how much I loved him and how proud I was of him.
I had no idea how much time passed before he settled, but still I held him. It wasn’t until he began to lean on me more heavily that Ipulled back and said, “Let’s sit down.” I knew his body had to be hurting, so I urged him to the small loveseat that was by the window that overlooked the front yard. It was only then that I noticed that Gage, Nash, and Grady had left the room. I was grateful for that, because this moment needed to be about my child and the long-awaited support he should have gotten so long ago.
“She didn’t tell you, did she?” Reese whispered.
“No, she didn’t,” I said.
Reese wiped at his face and I quickly grabbed him some tissues from the dispenser on the coffee table. “When did you know?” I asked.
“When I was fourteen. You’d just started your second term as vice president. But I waited until I was sixteen to tell her. I thought… I thought it would go away.”
“I thought that too,” I admitted.
Reese looked at me. “She was really upset when I told her. Said it would ruin everything and that I couldn’t tell anyone, because it was just a phase. She kept pushing me to date girls, but it just… it felt so wrong. I told her I wanted to talk to you about it because the secret, it was just…”
He seemed at a loss for words, so I settled my hand on his back and said, “I know.”
Reese sighed and rested his elbows on his knees, then clasped his hands. “She said she’d already told you and that you’d lost it. Said having a fag for a kid would ruin your chances at becoming president and that you’d rather I was…”
He couldn’t bring himself to say it again and I was glad for that, because even the idea that he’d believed such a terrible thing had come from my lips was making me sick.
“So I kept up the pretense,” he murmured. “But it was like I was dying a little bit at a time because you weren’t around much, and I thought it was because you… you couldn’t stand to be around me anymore.”
“God, no, Reese,” I said as I shook my head. “Fuck, no, I’m… God, I’m so sorry. My campaign for president was going on at the same time and I could barely keep up with everything as it was…” I climbed to my feet because sitting still was impossible. How had I not seen any of it? My son had looked at me, thinking I was a monster, and I’d been completely oblivious. A wave of profound helplessness washed over me. I would have given anything to go back in time to that moment. To know what my boy had gone through all those years… that he’d gone through whatI’dgone through…
As badly as I wanted to just sink onto the floor and cry for what my son had been forced to endure, he needed me now as badly as he’d needed me then. I went back to the loveseat and sat down next to him. I reached for his hand, but then hesitated. He’d let me touch him once, but would he let me do it again?
Reese answered the question for me when he moved his hand to his knee so that it was closer to my hand. I covered his fingers with mine. “I’m sorry, Reese. You shouldn’t have had to go through that by yourself, any of it. Your mother and I… we were practically strangers when we married, and although we found a little bit of joy in each other when you were born, I didn’t really know her. I didn’t know she felt that way about gay people, and I don’t know what was going through her head that made her think it was okay to tell you such a terrible lie. But I would give anything to have that moment back so I could tell you that there was nothing wrong with you and that I’d love you no matter what. I didn’t put you first like I should have… I was too caught up in my own life to even consider what any of it was doing to you. That’s not an excuse, it’s just… an explanation, I guess,” I finished lamely.
Reese nodded and pulled his hand away. I felt the loss in my soul. But he didn’t get up like I expected. He didn’t tell me it was all too late.
