Reese shook his head and remained silent.
“How about I tell you about the man I know?” I suggested. I stepped closer to him and said, “I see a guy who was forced to live a lie for his entire goddamn life. I see a guy who wasn’t allowed toadmit that he wasn’t perfect. I see a guy who finally found himself after decades of being told that he couldn’t be that person. Only by the time he was free to do anything about it, it was too damn late. I see a guy who has found comfort in the only places he thinks he deserves – with a bunch of flowers and a television set that lets him escape his cold, fucking lonely world for a bit.”
I could sense my growing agitation with each word, so I took a deep breath and held it for a moment. Unfortunately, I wasn’t feeling much calmer when I spoke again. “He dropped everything to come out here, even knowing you wouldn’t accept him. He sat in that fucking conference room in the hospital nearly every minute of every day in case you needed him. He’s defended your behavior to anyone who’s even hinted that you’re being a spiteful little prick,” I snapped. “That should be worth something,” I added. “Yeah, so he wasn’t father of the fucking year when you were a kid. Stop looking at him through the same glasses that everyone else does. He was your father first, long before he had to become someone else to the outside world. You’re goddamn lucky to have had that.”
Reese didn’t respond, so I turned to go. I reached the back door and opened it, then glanced at the other man again. “You have any idea what I’d give to be in your shoes?” I asked.
The comment had Reese looking at me sharply.
“It could have been any one of us, Reese. Getting hurt like you did comes with the job. We both know that. But at least you’ll always have someone who drops everything to be by your side. Who tells God in those moments when he doesn’t know if you’re okay or not that he’ll do anything if God lets you live, even give up his own life. We don’t all get that. Some of us don’t even get to know the name of the father who will never show up. So yeah, Reese, maybe you got a raw deal. But at least your father fucking showed up.”
I didn’t wait for a response, because I knew there wouldn’t be one. I kept my walk-through quick, though I did wave at Charlie where she lay in her bed as her grandfather sat in a nearby chair reading to her. I urged Happy to stay with them before I went back downstairs. I didn’t see Gage as I left the house.
Which meant he was probably still with Everett.
Despite the fact that it meant I’d have to confront what I’d done, the thought of finding the two men together had me quickening my step. The guest house was dark when I entered, with nothing but the light above the stove to guide my way. I hurried up the stairs, anticipation twisting in my belly as I considered that both men could very well be wrapped around each other in Everett’s bed.
The thought should have bothered me, but it didn’t. It turned me on. I should have also been worried that they might see what I was about to do as an intrusion. But I didn’t care about that, either. I wanted to rip the Band-Aid off. I wanted to see what happened next. No, none of it made sense, but I’d spent most of my adult life trying to make everything fit into all the right boxes. Career, money, personal life... up until the scandal that had threatened to tank my career, everything had been perfectly on track. And what Everett had done with the director had catapulted me right back there.
But while I should be celebrating my victory or worrying about potentially losing it all if the director found out I’d lied to him, I wasn’t thinking about any of that.
No, I was thinking about two men who knew the truth about me and didn’t seem to care. They’d looked past all the flaws that were a permanent stain on the carefully constructed world I’d built for myself, and they’d still come back for more. They’d still done thingsforme, nottome.
It was that thought that had me pushing open the door to Everett’s room.
But there weren’t two beautiful, naked bodies tangled up in each other on the bed. There was just Everett, fully dressed, sitting on the edge of the mattress, staring out the window at nothing. And as soon as he looked at me, I knew.
There would be no ripping off Band-Aids today or anytime soon. If anything, I’d be adding yet another one to the new wound I felt opening up deep inside of me.
Everett held my gaze for a moment, then dropped his eyes. There was enough moonlight seeping in through the window to seethe shimmer of moisture on his skin. But I couldn’t go to him. It wasn’t what he wanted. Needed, yes… wanted, no.
I quietly closed the door behind me, but didn’t go to my room. Because like before, I needed to keep moving.
Only this time, it was for a very different reason.
Chapter 18
GAGE
Three weeksand it was like we were fucking strangers again. It was like that night had never happened. We barely spoke, and we almost never looked at one another.
Because when we did, it only made things worse.
So much fucking worse.
Our families were starting to notice too. My father suspected what the cause was, but he’d backed off when I’d told him I didn’t want to talk to him about it. It’d been a harder sell with Charlie.
Guilt tore through me as I watched my little girl eat her dinner.
Despite the tension between Nash, Everett, and myself, we’d kept up the pretense that all was good by continuing to have dinner together and doing some kind of activity afterward, but Charlie had noticed pretty quickly that our hearts weren’t in it and had started making excuses herself about needing to do homework or wanting to watch TV in her room. When I’d tried talking to her about it, her response had been simple and heartbreaking at the same time.
“It’s okay, Daddy. I know Everett’s sad and that makes you and Nash sad.”
My daughter’s observation had been unerringly accurate, but ithad torn at my heart when she’d whispered to me that night that she’d pray to God and Mommy to make Everett happy so we could be a family again.
While her prayers hadn’t exactly been answered, we’d seen some progress in that Reese wasn’t hiding out in his room anymore. He’d started joining us for dinner despite his father being there, though he hadn’t said much. Everett hadn’t spoken much, either, and he’d been almost afraid to look at his son sometimes… like he was scared of sending him running again if his eyes lingered on the younger man even a second too long.
Reese’s physical progress was slowly improving. His burns had healed enough that every move he made didn’t cause him physical agony. His progress with walking was still slow, but he was able to take a few steps with the aid of a walker. He still relied heavily on the wheelchair to get around the house, but he was pushing himself to use the walker more and more for the short walks from his room to the kitchen.
