Right there in the fucking hospital room where my twenty-one-year-old son was recovering from wounds he’d sustained in an insurgent ambush. My only saving grace was that Reese was asleep and my wife was off somewhere hassling the staff about our son’s room not being on the side of the hospital that overlooked the large man-made pond and nicely landscaped grounds.
But that didn’t mean we were alone.
I quickly dropped Pierce’s hand and glanced over my shoulder at my perpetual shadow, Grady.
William Grady was one of the Secret Service agents who’d been assigned to me shortly after I’d taken on the role of vice president. He’d been the only agent to transition to the team protecting me when I won the presidency eight years later.
Grady’s eyes weren’t actually on me and Pierce, but I knew that didn’t mean anything. The man was trained to see things even when he wasn’t looking. I knew that fact should freak me the fuck out, but for some reason it didn’t. Maybe because I knew Grady would take anything he knew about me – and he knew a lot – to the grave with him.
Or maybe it was because his presence meant I couldn’t do what I’d been trained to do practically from birth.
Pretend.
I returned my gaze to Pierce and then dropped my eyes to his hands, which he had pressed together in front of him.
“Mr. President?—”
“Everett,” I said without thinking as Pierce’s voice washed over me like the gentlest of caresses.
Fuck, what the hell? I couldn’t let him call me by my first name.It was beyond inappropriate. I was this man’s superior. There were rules to be followed…
I was both grateful and disappointed when Pierce didn’t say my name. I tried really hard to listen as he outlined what had happened with the ambush, but it wasn’t until he said Reese’s name that I felt my insides clench and I turned to look at my son. He’d gotten lucky that the only injuries he’d sustained had been a bullet wound to the leg and a concussion. I knew I was supposed to see a hardened soldier in that bed, but all I saw was the little boy who’d made life bearable. To the outside world, I was the epitome of success, but Reese was the only thing I’d ever gotten right.
Though in truth, I was giving myself more credit than I deserved. I’d sired him, but I hadn’t been the father he’d needed.
No, there’d been too many things I’d needed to accomplish first. Too many things I’d needed to prove to people who didn’t matter.
Regret seared my bones and I felt the need to curl in on myself until I was no longer visible to the outside world. Maybe then I wouldn’t feel like such a fucking fraud.
“He’ll be okay,” Pierce murmured from behind me. I couldn’t mistake what the heat along my back was.
His body.
His big, beautiful body that was just inches from mine. The body that I wanted so badly to close the inconsequential gap between us and just fix everything.
Me.
Reese.
My farce of a life.
I closed my eyes and pretended I could feel Pierce’s strong arms wrapping around me from behind. I imagined how it would feel to sink into his hold and never have to worry about someone telling me it was wrong. I practically shook with the need to feel his lips on my neck as he urged me to let go – to let him take care of everything for a while.
I could escape to a place where I didn’t have the eyes of the world watching my every move.
I could pretend I wasn’t a colossal failure at being a husband… or father.
And I could dream of how things would have been different if I’d just been a little bit braver when I’d been a kid and my entire life had been laid out before me.
A life that looked perfectly lived on paper.
But was nothing more than a sham.
How the hell could one fucking handshake tear apart the entire fabric of my world? And why couldn’t I focus on anything but the fact that one handshake wasn’t enough?
It would never be enough.
I couldn’t do this. I had to keep it together. I’d chosen my path and there was no going back. Whatever this man had done to me in the past few minutes was a fluke – the crazy sensations were just a result of the stress I was feeling at the near loss of my child. None of what was happening to me was real.
