Eli looked at me, then glanced at Willa again. “Mav and I have talked about it, but it makes more sense to wait until I'm finished with school,” he explained, though there was a certain hollowness in his voice as he spoke. “A lot of things made more sense before…”
He didn't need to finish the statement for me to know what he'd been about to say.
Before the trial.
The trial against my father had consumed so much of all our lives, but none more so than Eli and Mav, who'd even ended up putting their wedding plans on hold until after my father was convicted. I’d heard Mav and Eli tell my stepmother that they wanted to start their life together on a positive note, but I had to wonder what would happen now that everything had changed so dramatically. Would they wait until my father’s second trial was over? Or until after the one he was likely to face in Virginia for Nick’s death?
Silence descended between us until the only sounds in the room were of Willa eagerly sucking on her bottle. When she finished, Eli handed the bottle to me, then put her against his shoulder andburped her. I was about to offer to take her to put her in the crib, but something in Eli’s gaze stopped me.
I’d seen him in the hours after the acquittal and he’d been an absolute mess. And physically, he still looked completely worn out. But the way he was smiling down at the baby made me think that he needed this moment of peace.
Just like I’d needed the peace I’d known I would only find in Jace’s arms.
“I’m sorry, Eli,” I said. “I shouldn’t have just left like that.”
Willa had grabbed onto Eli’s finger, so he let her hold it as her eyes drifted shut. His eyes shifted to me. “Why did you?” he asked.
I dropped my eyes and shook my head. “Desperation, I guess,” I said softly.
“To get away from us?” he asked.
“What?” I said in surprise, lifting my gaze. “No… no, not at all. I just…” I snapped my mouth shut and turned to look out the window. I stared at the view of the water for a minute before I said, “Someone played me a recording of your testimony. I could hear it in your voice.”
I chanced a glance at Eli. He was the one staring out the window now.
“It was like it was happening all over again, wasn’t it?” I asked.
Eli nodded and I saw a tear slip from his eye. He used his shoulder to brush it away. “I thought I’d prepared myself for anything, but between the questions and Jack staring at me the whole time, I was right back there, you know?”
I nodded and dropped my eyes. “It was still just me up until that moment that I heard you talking about it on that tape,” I admitted. “I’d never let myself think about what it was like for you. That’s why I never wanted to talk to you about it. It made it all more real. Does that make sense?”
“It does,” Eli acknowledged. “But if I’ve learned anything, it’s that not talking about it won’t make it go away. It’ll just destroy you from the inside out.”
I managed a nod. “Did Mav tell you? About what I’ve been doing to deal with it?”
“Yes,” Eli said softly. “I’m so sorry, Caleb. If I’d known…”
“If you’d known, I would have run even sooner,” I admitted. “It was the only thing making it possible for me to put one foot in front of the other every day.” I began toying with my fingers so that I wouldn’t be tempted to reach for my arm to make sure the scars were still there. “I have some things I want to tell you, Eli, but I don’t know if I’m ready yet.”
“Caleb…”
He waited until I looked up at him to say, “I’m not going anywhere.”
I felt tears threatening, but I managed to stem them. “Promise?” I whispered.
Eli’s hand covered one of mine. “Promise.”
I wasn’t sure what to say next, but Eli took care of that by saying, “So tell me about Jace.”
I couldn’t stop the smile that spread across my mouth at just the mention of the man’s name.
Eli chuckled. “So that’s how it is, huh? Mav owes me fifty bucks.”
“For what?” I asked with a laugh.
“We had a bet going on how long it would take before Jace got his head out of his ass and realized you were it for him. I said it would be by the next time we saw you. Mav thought Jace was going to run again and he’d have to hunt him down and drag him back here and knock some sense into him.”
“Really?” I asked as more tears threatened. Would Mav really have gone that far… for me? “You don’t think I’m too young for him? For anyone?” I asked.
