It wasn’t exactly the same thing, but maybe some of those emotions were the same.
When Willa had fallen asleep, I’d put her in the crib. I’d used Jace’s phone to search the internet for what position she was supposed to sleep in, and then I’d tried to figure out what kind of feeding schedule she was supposed to be on and how much she was supposed to eat and when. From what Silver had told us, the baby had to be around seven weeks old, so I’d used that as a guide for determining what I needed to give her and when. Once I’d madesure the little girl was out, I’d gone to the bedroom and had found Jace lying on the bed. He hadn’t spoken to me as I’d gotten into bed with him. Since he’d been facing the wall, I’d had no choice but to wrap my arm around him from behind. I’d been able to tell he hadn’t been sleeping, but I hadn’t pressed him to talk because I’d known it was just too soon.
I’d spent the rest of the afternoon feeding, changing and playing with Willa. Jace had ordered us some room service, but neither of us had eaten.
He’d also completely ignored the baby.
I had to hope he’d come around sooner rather than later, because I was clueless as to what to do next.
The fact that he was now standing over her crib, watching her sleep, could be both a good thing or a bad thing.
I had the answer to my question when I moved around him so I could see his face.
It was both.
Because tears were streaming down his face.
Reality had finally set in and while it was terrible to see his world implode around him, I knew it was the only way for him to eventually find his way back to the surface.
“I really thought I’d find her,” he said softly.
“I know,” I acknowledged.
“I promised I’d always look out for her.”
I pressed against Jace’s side and settled my hand on his chest as I looked at a still-sleeping Willa. “Come back to bed, Jace,” I murmured. I slid my hand into his and pulled him behind me. He meekly followed.
I let him lie down first, and not surprisingly, he turned so his back was away from me. But instead of just holding him, I braced my head on my arm and used my free hand to move his hair off his face. I didn’t speak, because there were no words I could say that would take the pain away.
He lay frozen like that for several long beats, then a harsh sob tore from his throat and he covered his eyes with his hand.
“Oh God, Maggie, I’m so sorry.”
I wrapped my arm around him and held him as tight as I could as I dropped my mouth to his ear. Every time he tried to stifle his sobs, I told him it was okay to let go.
So that’s what he did.
Completely.
Terribly.
And I felt every moment of it deep in my soul.
He eventually quieted, then fell asleep.
But I knew it wasn’t over.
It would be something he’d have to endure over and over again, especially in those moments where he momentarily forgot his new reality. I didn’t even know if there would be a time where it wouldn’t hurt like hell, because even two years after losing my brother, the pain was as raw now as it had been back then.
It wasn’t until Jace turned in his sleep and burrowed against my body that I finally felt my own tension ease a bit. I fell asleep, but woke up a short time later when Willa started crying. Thankfully, Jace slept on and that proved to be the case the second time Willa woke up a few hours before dawn. Not surprisingly, when my head hit the pillow, I was out within seconds, and when I woke up again, it was light outside.
And the bed was empty.
I sat up and looked toward the bathroom, expecting to see Jace in there, but it was empty. I finally noticed that the French doors that closed off the bedroom from the living room were shut.
I’d left them open the night before so I could hear Willa.
I climbed out of bed and hurried to the doors. I eased them open and froze at the sight that greeted me.
