I forced myself to sit next to him on the bed. When I turned to face him, he did the same. I searched out some antiseptic wipes. It was comfortably quiet, with just the gentle slap of water against the hull of the boat to keep us company. Jace barely reacted as I begancleaning his cuts with the antiseptic. I knew it had to hurt, but I might as well have been using water for all the reaction he showed. I was both disappointed and envious.
Disappointed because while he appeared perfectly relaxed, my insides were bouncing around like someone was playing ping pong in my gut. And envious because I would have given anything to be able to not feel like he did.
Most of the cuts weren’t bad enough to need any kind of dressing, but there was one near his eyebrow that was deeper than the rest. I had to shift closer to him to make sure there weren’t any bits of glass in it. The position had us practically nose to nose. Once again, I could barely breathe because of the sheer temptation of having his mouth so close to mine, but Jace didn’t react at all.
“So, what’s the plan?” I asked, since I needed something to distract me from my thoughts.
“We keep moving and we keep monitoring the news for a while to make sure your name doesn’t come up anywhere. Ronan and his guys will try to figure out if your dad really is behind all this.”
I nodded. Being trapped on a boat for the foreseeable future with Jace Christenson seemed like the worst kind of hell… and a little bit of heaven too.
“And Caleb?”
I was in the middle of placing a bandage over the cut by his eyebrow when he said my name. I looked at him and got caught up in the firm set of his jaw and dark eyes. They looked black this close up.
“We’re going to talk. About what happened this morning and yesterday. And this...”
Before I could stop him, he closed his hand around my forearm. Even though I managed not to wince at the contact, it didn’t matter, because I knew Jace could feel the unevenness beneath the fabric.
“Jace, don’t,” I said when he reached for the end of my sleeve.
He ignored me, of course.
I closed my eyes so I wouldn’t have to look at him as he carefully pushed my sleeve up.
But it didn’t matter because I heard his reaction. I wanted to laugh out loud because a couple of minutes ago I would have killed to get some kind of response out of him. Now I just wanted to sink into the floor.
I forced my eyes open and watched Jace work his hair tie and the swatch of fabric free. He shook his head when his gaze fell on the three cuts that were still seeping blood. He rested his hand and mine in his lap as he closed his eyes.
“I’m sorry, Jace,” slipped out before I could stop myself. I had no idea why I was apologizing, because I didn’t owe him anything. I hadn’t since he’d turned his back on me.
Liar.
I ignored the inner voice and turned to look out one of the little circular windows. I kept my eyes averted even as I felt Jace begin cleaning the cuts with an antiseptic wipe. I flinched as pain stung my arm at the contact. Despite sometimes craving pain, I had no interest in it if I couldn’t control it.
And right now, I felt like there was absolutely nothing in my control anymore.
I was sure it was over when Jace put a large, square Band-Aid over the cuts, but he didn’t release my wrist. Instead, he took his free hand and cupped the back of my neck with it. I waited for him to tell me to look at him, or to ask me why I’d done what I’d done, but he didn’t do any of that.
Instead, he pulled me forward and then pressed his forehead against mine. I was stunned to hear his voice break when he whispered, “Caleb.” He paused and sucked in a breath. “Please, please don’t do this anymore. I’m fucking begging you.”
I closed my eyes and felt a tear trying to escape my clenched lids. I failed to hold it back.
“I’ll try,” I lied, because I couldn’t stand the hitch I’d heard in his voice as he’d whispered the plea.
How in the world had I ever thought he didn’t feel?
He didn’t respond to my words and I wondered if it was because he knew what he was asking was impossible.
We sat like that for a few more precious seconds before Jacereleased me and stood. “I need to go check things out,” he muttered, then he was gone.
I took my time cleaning up the stuff from the first aid kit and returned it to the kitchen. When I was done, I went back to the bedroom instead of going above deck. I grabbed the blanket Jace had put around my shoulders and covered myself with it as I laid down on the bed.
My exhaustion didn’t make any damned sense, but hell if I didn’t welcome the shit out of it.
Chapter 5
Jace
