The floor is hard against my knees but burying my face in Lake’s groin makes it all melt away until we’re all that’s left. He helps me undo his belt, button and zip. Tries to help. He’s shaking so hard that he’s both hindering and helping.
It doesn’t matter; we get it open, and it’s easy enough after that to yank his briefs down just enough for his erection to spring out. No time to bother undressing him any further, all I need is his cock out. He’s leaking already, swollen and begging for me to put my mouth on him.
I’ve never had a better invitation. Licking up the underside of his length, right where the thickest vein throbs, makes him whimper. His hands twist in my hair, tugging and squirming, like he doesn’t know which way to go.
He cries out when I suck hard on his mushroomed head, sliding up his shaft and back down again with increased pressure. Placing a hand over his mouth at least muffles the sound while I keep going.
I know all the right spots to drive him wild, and I ruthlessly exploit each one. This isn’t about taking our time or even about the sex itself. It’s about us and reaffirming who we are, and what he’s coming home to. A reminder and a memory to hold onto when we’re each alone at night.
He comes quickly, spilling into my mouth and groaning against my hand, the vibrations resonating through me. I swallow every drop, not wanting to waste any of it.
As soon as I stand, he pulls me forward, licking into my mouth. “What about you?” he asks breathlessly.
I kiss his forehead, soaking in the scent of him. “You can take care of it for me when you get home.”
He smiles against my throat. “Deal.”
“How long will you be gone?” I somehow manage to get out. I need to know, though I’m not sure Iwantto know. How long are they taking him from me? Where is he going? Will he be safe? He can’t tell me, of course. Especially not if a special forces team is involved. I appreciate the secrecy, the same way I don’t tell Lake everything I deal with, because of privacy and because it’s notnecessary to put us both through that. Though sometimes I wish I knew more. A double-edged blade.
He exhales deeply and presses his forehead against mine. “There’s no way to tell. It’s not like a normal deployment.” His hands skate under my jacket, resting on my shoulders. “It could only be a week, or it could be a month. Longer. It depends on how long it takes them to complete what they’re there for.”
“Do you always go with them?” He’s never mentioned it before, and he’s never been sent anywhere while we’ve been together. He’s not special forces himself, but it makes sense that they need a pilot when they’re deployed.
“No, it tends to rotate and depends on who’s available.”
“And they decided a guy who’s about to get married and has leave scheduled was the right guy?”
Lake shrugs helplessly. “The military works in mysterious ways.”
That’s one way to put it.
Cradling his head, I caress his cheeks with my thumbs. “Be careful.”
“Don’t worry, I’m not the one doing the dangerous stuff on the ground,” he says with a smile that doesn’t quite reach his eyes like it usually does. “But I haven’t been away from you yet.”
It’s not something that I’ve given a lot of thought to. Even though he puts on his uniform every morning—looking incredibly hot—works some weekends, and out-shoots me when we go to a firing range, it’s somehow easy to forget that he’s a soldier. That he goes on deployments, that he can be thrown into dangerous situations. He only ever talks about the mundane things: meetings, flight training, the cafe not having the muffins that he likes.
It’s not as though I have a regular desk job. But this is different.
“You’ll be back before you know it.” He’s wearing his necklace even though he’s not supposed to while he’s working. I unclasp it and put it around my own neck. He won’t be able to take it on a deployment, and I’ll keep it safe for him.
He places his hand over where it rests and then kisses me again, slowly, sweetly. “I’ll be gone before you finish work. I’ll text you when I can, email if I can’t.”
There’s a weird emptiness when he leaves. Strange to think that when I go home, he won’t be there, won’t be on his way. I’ve spent most of my life that way. Less than a year ago, I didn’t even know who he was.
Now I know I can’t live without him.
Chapter twenty-three
Grady
Ineverrealisedjusthow much life Lake brings to every day until he’s not here. Too-quiet mornings and lonely nights make up my time. Hades keeps waiting at the door, expecting Lake to come through it. I have to admit that I’m doing it in a way too. Every time a car drives past, I tense, like one of them will turn into the driveway, and Lake will come in with a bright smile and a crazy story from his day.
Two days into his deployment, I do the house walk-through and interview for fostering. Without Lake there, things feel more hopeless than usual, and I don’t think we’ll get approved. Not until he’s back and able to do it with me.
He’s texted a few times and called once. He sounded tired, and all I wanted to do was hug him. Whatever the spec-ops guys are doing, they need to hurry the fuck up so I can have my fiancé—no, myhusband—back.
A week into his deployment, I get confirmation from Annie that the police checks have gone through, the rest of it went through without a hitch, and I can collect Riley from his foster home that afternoon.
