“Yeah?”
“Was that okay?”
I almost laugh. I almost cry. I almost kiss him again. “Oliver. That was…”
There aren’t words for what that was. Every adjective in my considerable vocabulary is inadequate.Amazingis too common.Perfectis too cliché.Life-alteringis too dramatic, except it’s not, because something vital shifts in my chest, rearranging itself around this new reality.
“That was my first kiss,” I finish lamely.
Oliver’s lips curve. “I know.”
“You know?”
“You told me before.”
Oh. Right.
His Adam’s apple bobs, a motion that draws my eyes downward before I can stop myself. “I wanted to make it good for you. I wanted—” He stops and reconsiders his words. “I’ve been thinking about this for a while.”
“Me too,” I admit. “Since we were kids, I think. I just didn’t have words for it then.”
Oliver’s thumb traces my cheekbone again, featherlight. “And now?”
“Now I have too many words, and they’re all fighting to get out at once.”
“That sounds like you.”
The Ferris wheel lurches back into motion, beginning its descent. Oliver’s hand finds mine again as we sink back toward the fairground.
I watch the stars recede as we descend, Cassiopeia still visible near the horizon.Even punishment can become a gift, Mom used to say. I wonder what she’d think of this moment. Of Oliver.
I think she’d be happy for me. I also think she’d say it’s about time.
The gondola reaches the bottom, and the bored teenage operator unlatches the gate, his attention on the phone in his hand. We step out on wobbly legs—mine from emotion, Oliver’s from being crammed into a carnival ride designed for smaller humans.
“There you are!” Gerard’s voice booms across the fairground. He’s flushed with triumph. Elliot follows close behind him with an expression of fond exasperation. “You missed my encore! I did ‘Gettin’ Jiggy Wit It’ and three people passed out!”
“From joy or horror?” Oliver asks.
“Joy! I think.”
Oliver squeezes my hand once before releasing it, and I feel the loss like a physical ache. But his smile is soft and private. Meant only for me.
“Ryan!” Gerard barrels toward me, oblivious to whatever moment he’s interrupting. “Bestie! Did you see any cool stars from up there? Did you point out constellations? Did you have a romantic moment? You totally had a romantic moment, didn’t you? I can tell by your face!”
“Gerard,” Elliot says, catching his arm. “Boundaries.”
“What boundaries? Ryan’s my bestie! Besties don’t have boundaries!”
“Yes, they do. Do you think I know everything that goes on behind Drew’s bedroom door with Jackson? Nope.”
I glance at Oliver, who’s watching me with an expression I can’t quite read. Something hopeful. Something scared. Something that mirrors exactly what I’m feeling.
“It was nice,” I say to Gerard, which is possibly the understatement of the century. “The stars were beautiful.”
Gerard beams. “I knew it! I knew you two would have a moment! This is the best night ever!”
“You’ve said that three times tonight,” Kyle points out, emerging from the darkness with Alex on his heels.
