Kyle’s attempt to enter the red ladybug involves a series of movements that I wish I could record for posterity. “I hate everything,” he announces.
“You’re doing great!” Alex calls from his own ladybug, looking almost comfortable by comparison.
Ryan settles into an orange ladybug near the edge of the arena. Nathan is the only one smart enough to bow out.
The operator flips a switch, and the cars hum to life. What follows is chaos.
Gerard immediately guns his ladybug toward Kyle with a battle cry, his massive frame causing the tiny vehicle to wobble. The impact sends Kyle spinning, his head whipping back as his ladybug careens into the bumper.
“GUNNARSON!”
“ALL’S FAIR IN LOVE AND BUMPER CARS!”
I try to steer toward Ryan, thinking maybe I can be gentlemanly about this and lightly bump him, then we can share a laugh and?—
Drew slams into me from the side. “Surprise, Captain!”
My ladybug spins wildly, and I catch a glimpse of Drew’s maniacal grin before Jackson crashes into him from behind, sending both of them spinning in opposite directions.
“Revenge for the penguin!” Jackson shouts, which makes no sense because Drew literally won him the penguin, but logic has clearly left the building.
Ryan drives around in careful circles, avoiding conflict as much as possible. Alex has somehow ended up in the center of the arena, getting bumped from all directions while making small sounds of distress. Kyle is trying to reach him but keeps beingintercepted by Gerard, who has decided that Kyle is his primary target.
“LEAVE HIM ALONE!” Kyle roars, ramming his ladybug into Gerard’s with enough force to make both vehicles shudder.
“NEVER!”
Elliot, meanwhile, is picking off stragglers one by one. He glides up behind Jackson, bumps him into the wall, then reverses smoothly to catch Drew on the rebound. His expression never switches from mild boredom.
“How are you so good at this?” I demand as he passes me.
“I have a lot of repressed rage.”
I finally manage to navigate my way toward Ryan. His ladybug weaves between collisions, avoiding the worst of the carnage.
“Hi,” I say, pulling up alongside him.
“Hi yourself.”
“Having fun?”
“I’m watching grown men attempt vehicular assault in children’s toys. It’s the most entertaining thing I’ve seen all month.”
Gerard chooses this moment to barrel between us, his ladybug somehow achieving speeds that should not be possible. He clips my bumper, sending me spinning, and I hear Ryan laugh, bright and startled, as he swerves to avoid me.
The sound cracks my chest open a little.
When the buzzer sounds to end our session, we extract ourselves from the ladybugs with varying degrees of difficulty. Kyle requires assistance from Alex.
“That was incredible,” Gerard declares, slightly breathless. “We should do it again.”
“Absolutely not,” Kyle says, limping toward the exit.
“Once was enough,” I agree, rolling my shoulders to work out the kinks. “I think I pulled something.”
“You pulled something getting into a bumper car?” Ryan asks, falling into step beside me as we leave the arena.
“I pulled something being too much man for a bumper car.”
