Nathan Paisley (hockey)
Jackson Monroe (football, but honorary hockey at this point)
Ryan Abrams (astronomy major, Jackson’s roommate, and the most unexpected addition to this list)
Yes, you read that last one correctly. Ryan Abrams. The quiet, khaki-wearing, vintage-dressing astronomy nerd. Oh, I have questions. So many questions. But first, let’s talk about repercussions.
Dean Morris, in his infinite wisdom, has decided that expulsion would be “excessive” given the Barracudas’ recent championship victory and the “generally positive attention” they’ve brought to the university. Translation: The boosters would riot if he expelled the stars of the hockey team. Instead, he’s opted for what he’s calling “summer penance.”
The guilty parties will be required to “redirect their energy toward productive endeavors.” In other words, they’re going to be the administration’s little worker bees. And I, your devoted Ice Queen, will be here to document every sweaty, humiliating second of it.
But let’s circle back to the real story, shall we? The one that’s beensimmering beneath the surface of all this naked chaos? Oliver Jacoby and Ryan Abrams.
I’ve been watching Oliver for years now. The man is an enigma wrapped in a hockey jersey, wrapped in what I can only describe as aggressive nurturing energy. He mothers his teammates, he mentors the freshmen, and he holds the entire team together with the sheer force of his dependable presence. And yet, there’s always been something missing.
I noticed it freshman year, when I first started this blog. I noticed it the following year, when his hookup frequency dropped to nearly zero. And I definitely noticed it this year, when the man went nine months without so much as a casual make-out session despite having approximately half the campus throwing themselves at him.
Now I think I understand. Ryan Abrams moved to BSU freshman year. Quiet. Reserved. Hung out almost exclusively with Jackson Monroe and showed zero interest in the social scene that dominates campus life. The moment Oliver spotted Ryan on campus, he transformed into a human lighthouse—all beams and signals and desperate attempts to be seen.
The waves across the quad. The attempts at conversation. His eyes tracked Ryan across the dining hall, the library, the campus green. I noticed it all, filed it away, assumed it was Oliver being Oliver—friendly to a fault, determined to know everyone. But last night, Ryan Abrams stripped down to his underwear and got in that pool. And when security arrived and everyone scattered, Oliver didn’t leave him behind.
This summer is going to be interesting. We’ve got a group of hockey players trapped on campus, forced to work for their naked crimes. We’ve got Jackson Monroe, the quarterback who’s alreadyproven he’ll do anything for Drew Larney. We’ve got Gerard Gunnarson, whose ass will continue to be the people’s masturbation fodder in these trying times. And we’ve got Oliver and Ryan. Two people with history. Two people who’ve been dancing around each other. Two people who finally seem to be moving toward something real.
I don’t know what that something is yet. But I intend to find out.
Until next time,
Ice Queen skating off!
P.S. Ryan Abrams, if you’re reading this—and something tells me you are—welcome to the circus. It’s terrifying, but the company is excellent.
P.P.S. Gerard, your ass looked magnificent in night vision. Elliot remains the luckiest man alive.
BarracudaBabe23:THE QUEEN HAS RETURNED WITH RECEIPTS!
AnonymousTipper:I was the one in the bushes outside the dean’s office. AMA.
JacksonMonroeStan:Jackson carrying the hockey team’s chaos on his shoulders (literally) once again
CuriousObserver:Who is Ryan Abrams? Why is he suddenly being talked about??
IceQueenOfficial:@CuriousObserver Stay tuned, darling. I have a feeling he’s going to be much more than a recurring character this summer.
SummerOnCampus:This is going to be the best summer ever. Thank you for your service, Ice Queen.
