Posted by The Ice Queen | May 15th | 3:47 a.m.
Hey there, puck bunnies! Ice Queen here, your go-to gal for the coolest takes on all things Barracudas.
I’ve returned from my brief hibernation (the one we call Finals Week), and oh, what delicious morsels have been left on my doorstep while I was away. I know, I know. You’ve been parched for content. Ever since our beloved Drew Larney and his quarterback beau made things disgustingly official, I’ve been lying low, sharpening my skates and waiting for the next scandal to drop into my lap.
And drop it did. Right onto Oliver Jacoby’s mattress, apparently. Multiple times.
For those of you who’ve been living under a rock, let me catch you up. Oliver Jacoby—soon-to-be senior, team captain, and certified Mother Hen of the BSU Barracudas—has been running on empty in the bedroom department for approximately ninemonths. That’s three-quarters of a year, people. Our boy could have grown a whole baby in the time it took him to get some action.
But last night, the drought ended with what my sources describe as “a monsoon of biblical proportions.”
I won’t go into explicit detail—I’m a lady, after all—but let’s just say that someone on the third floor was heard making noises that would get them featured on the home page of a porn site. And that someone walked into the kitchen the next morning like a newborn deer learning to use its legs for the first time.
Now, I know what you’re thinking. “Ice Queen, why do you care about Oliver Jacoby’s sex life? Isn’t Gerard’s ass your usual obsession?” And to that I say: growth, my loves. Gerard’s glutes will always hold a special place in my cold, dead heart, but the man went and got himself a boyfriend. Watching him and Elliot be adorable every day is like eating sugar straight from the bag—sweet, but ultimately unfulfilling for a gossip connoisseur of my caliber.
Oliver Jacoby, however, is a man of mystery. He’s the voice of reason, the shoulder to cry on, the guy who makes sure nobody dies at parties. He’s everyone’s big brother, everyone’s rock, the apple of everyone’s eye. And then he, what? Gives up sex cold turkey? In college? The man is nearly as tall as Gerard, and the owner of eyes that would fit right at home in the Emerald City. He could have anyone he wants, and insists on staying loyal to his right hand.
But something’s shifted. I can feel it in my bones. Oliver Jacoby is about to have a Very Interesting Summer.
Speaking of summer—campus is about to become a ghost town.But not everyone is leaving. I’ve recently learned that a decent chunk of the hockey team is sticking around for some fun in the summer sun. That means my favorite guys with too much free time on their hands. My blog is going to be popping.
The spring semester was the appetizer. Summer is the main course. And I am hungry.
Until next time,
Ice Queen skating off!
P.S. To the mystery man who gave our captain the ride of his life: thank you for your service. The entire campus owes you a debt of gratitude.
P.P.S. Gerard, if you’re reading this, I still think about your ass daily.
BarracudaBabe23: FINALLY! SHE’S BACK!
HockeyHottie99: Wait, Oliver was celibate for 9 MONTHS?? How???
AnonymousTipper: I was at the party. Can confirm the noises. RIP to anyone trying to sleep on the second floor.
GerardsButtEnthusiast: glad to see the queen hasn’t forgotten about the real star of the team
ConcernedCitizen: Is this ethical journalism?
IceQueenOfficial: @ConcernedCitizen This is a gossip blog, sweetie. Ethics left the building when Gerard’s ass went viral.
6
RYAN
The Ice Queen’s blog post glows on my screen, each word a stab to my heart, showing me exactly what I didn’t want to see.
Jackson had mentioned something about the gossip blog being back in action, and my traitorous fingers navigated to the URL before my brain could intervene. Now, I’m sitting at my desk, reading about Oliver Jacoby’s sex life in excruciating detail.
Nine months of celibacy. Ended with “a monsoon of biblical proportions.”
Acid crawls up my throat. I swallow hard, tasting bitter coffee from breakfast. I scroll down, then immediately regret it.
Someone on the third floor was heard making noises?—
I slam my laptop shut harder than necessary.
