His body froze. The flutter grew to a gale. “What are you talking about? What mistake?”
“You don’t think it was foolish?” she asked. “Jumping into bed like that with no thought for the consequences?”
“What consequences?” he asked. When she wouldn’t answer, he unbanded his arms from around her and slowly turned her to him, afraid of what he’d see.
Her eyes didn’t quite meet his as she rearranged her feet. She bit down on her lip. He automatically lifted his thumb to her mouth to soothe it with a stroke. Then he cupped her chin in his hand, raising it until her gaze collided with his.
There was doubt there and, worse, grief. As if what she was saying was a foregone conclusion already. “Talk to me,” he said. “Tell me what’s going on inside your mind.”
She blinked rapidly, but not before he caught the glint of tears. Her eyes raced between his, seeking answers to questions she couldn’t bring herself to say out loud. “I told myself, ‘once.’ ‘Once and never again.’ I wasn’t myself. I didn’t think about today or tomorrow or the next day. It was just supposed to happen one time.”
“One time,” he repeated. He shook his head. “Is that how you still feel this morning?”
“It shouldn’t have happened at all. Nick, you’re my best friend. Have I ruined this—what we have—because I asked you to take me to bed?”
“You haven’t ruined anything,” he assured her.
“Not in twenty years have we crossed a line,” she reminded him. “How can we go back to what was when the line doesn’t exist anymore? We practically painted over it last night. How are we supposed to find our way back?”
“Who says I want to?”
She narrowed her eyes. “What do you mean, you don’t want to?”
He took a bracing breath, then unburdened himself. “Sassy, I’ve been in love with you since middle school.”
Her expression blanked. Her mouth fumbled. “Wha…what did you say?”
“I’ve loved you for nearly two decades,” he told her. “And not in a platonic way. Well, not always, I should say. But I can’t remember a time when my feelings for you weren’t complicated.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” she asked.
“Because I’ve been avoiding this,” he said, gesturing between them. “The questions. The doubt I see in you over whether we can make this work on another level.”The rejection, he added silently. His stomach twisted at the thought of her shutting him out, after everything. He’d woken thinking his dreams had come to life. Had he really been stepping into his worst nightmare? “There is no me without you. You’re part of me, my whole being.”
Again, her eyes refused to meet his. “Then maybe we shouldn’t.”
He was losing her, as rapidly as he’d taken her to bed. “Shouldn’t?”
She closed her eyes, hiding whatever emotions she felt. “It’s best if we go back to being friends, right? Just friends.”
He saw the pulsing at her temple, a nerve twitching. He couldn’t help himself. He lifted his fingertips to massage it. “Can you let me say my piece before you decide for the both of us?”
Her eyes flashed, a spike of heat behind them. It cooled as she took in the serious mask of his countenance. She gave a nod.
“You know what I’ve realized these last few weeks?” he asked.
“What?”
“Why I’ve never been able to make a relationship with another woman stick,” he revealed. “Because those relationships were a lie. Deep down, I’ve always known it would come to this.”
“Do you hear yourself?” she asked tremulously. “Do you know what it is you’re saying?”
“I do,” he said, laying his hand on her shoulder. It moved in a caress down her arm until he found her hand. “I’m yours, Sassy Colton. If you tell me to stay or go, that’s never going to change.”
“I don’t know what to say,” she stated. “I don’t know what to think or do or…” She released a breath that wasn’t steady. Not even a little bit. “I don’t want to make any mistakes. You mean too much to me.”
He looked down at their joined hands. He ran his thumb across her knuckles. Twenty years he’d waited. It might hurt, but he could wait a little while longer. “You don’t have to choose right now.”
“Choose?” she echoed on a sudden sob. “Choose what? To roll the dice or walk away entirely?”
