Across from her, five women stood watching her, their lovely faces tight with nerves.
Sienna could picture each of them fitting into the corners of her life: Holly leaving a steaming cup of chamomile tea on her nightstand without a word; Dani dragging her outside for a sunrise even when Sienna wanted to stay in bed; Nisha strumming a tune on her ukulele to calm her when she fussed over a dip in her Instagram interactions; Brooke cracking a joke at breakfast while Sienna was still half-asleep and groaning and Marie with her two kids completely upending her life.
They were all here for Sienna. They all wanted a piece of her.
Which, honestly, was seriously terrifying. The pressure was unreal. It felt like an elephant sitting on her head. It was a miracle she wasn’t hunched over, nose to the ground.
Even taking a deep breath didn’t help.
Even glancing around the deck, concentrating on the hammered copper bowls holding flickering candles that the production team had recently placed down on the railings, didn’t help.
But then Brooke caught her eye and winked. And just like that, the elephant lifted and floated off into the sunset. Sienna inhaled so deeply that her lungs hurt with all that extra oxygen.
Unfortunately, it was short-lived.
Vivian slipped through the entrance. She wore a black silk dress that clung to her body. Her hair was sleeked back at the sides. Around her neck was a thick, steel collar-style necklace, which made her look like the extremely hot, dangerously elegant version of Ursula fromThe Little Mermaid. Before Sienna knew what was coming, a whole other kind of pressure replaced the elephant. A pressure that Sienna couldn’t even begin to comprehend.
“Ladies,” Vivian began. Two cameras panned in her direction as she strutted across the deck to her spot beside the carved elephant statue.
Sienna tried to catch her eye but caught herself. What good would that do? They’d make eye contact, then Vivian would look away first, and Sienna would be left feeling what? Disappointed that she couldn’t read Vivian’s mind? Upset that she’d have to do another rose ceremony when the one person she actually wanted didn’t want her?
Sienna might be clumsy; she might knock her knee against coffee tables or drop dumbbells on her toes, but most of the time she preferred to avoid things that hurt.
And Vivian not wanting her hurt a lot.
“Tonight is one of the hardest parts of the experience,” Vivian went on. “You’ve all opened up to each other and to Sienna in ways that take courage. And believe me, that doesn’t go unnoticed.” She paused just long enough for the air to thicken. Which it did. Immensely. “Unfortunately, not everyone’s story continues tonight,” Vivian said, bowing her head ever so slightly. “Two of you will be going home.”
A collective inhale rippled through the group. All the contestants seemed shocked by this. Not Sienna, though. Elise had informed her this morning that she would be saying goodbye to two ladies. It was a surprise at first. But also not. In just ten days, there’d only be one rose left.
Vivian turned to Sienna. “Do you have anything you’d like to say?”
Sienna felt her chest tighten, and not just tighten, but try to fold in on itself. “Yes,” she said, her eyes suddenly stinging. Vivian had this way of looking straight into her, like she could see every hidden, stupid feeling Sienna didn’t want to have.
And there were plenty. In fact, she was having one right now. She was imagining Elise’s face if Sienna bumped over thatpedestal with her hip, sent the roses scattering across the floor, and announced she’d slept with Vivian and would very much like to do it again.
The urge to whip her head away became unbearable. But she didn’t. At least not until Vivian looked away first and swept a hand out across the deck. “The floor is yours.”
Then Sienna turned toward the contestants just as she was expected to do and said, “I just want to say thank you. To all of you, for sharing yourselves with me, for being brave enough to show up fully. Like Vivian said, nothing has gone unnoticed.”
She lifted the rose slightly higher, rolled the stem between two fingers, and added, “I’m going to call out the names of the women I want to keep here with me a little longer.” Her voice was steady even though her heart pounded.
“Holly,” Sienna called first. She waited for Holly to cross the gap, pecked her on the cheek, and handed over the rose. Then she reached for another from the pedestal. Next, she called Dani, leaving Brooke, Marie and Nisha standing on the rust-orange kilim rug. Their faces were commendably neutral.
“The final person who will be staying for a bit longer…” Sienna paused. She’d thought about this a lot. She had expected the decision to come a little easier now that she knew the women better. And it had. She even had her top three. But then came that moment at the bush cookout, when Vivian had reached up and touched her cheek. After that, everything she thought she knew about her decision had come crashing down. That tiny, inappropriate gesture had happened three hours ago, but it might as well have been a second. Sienna could still feel Vivian’s finger on her skin. Which told her something. Something very,veryimportant. Themba was right. She had to choose.
“Nisha, would you like to stay a bit longer?” she asked.
There was a gasp of surprise. Actually, there were several. Not from Brooke, who stood frozen, blinking as if she’dmisheard. Not from Marie, who only nodded stiffly, as if she had expected not to get a rose all along. But from Vivian, who had taken a step back and was frowning so hard, Sienna could see cracks in her makeup. And from the rest of the contestants, who clearly hadn’t expected Brooke of all people to go home.
Sienna ignored them all and walked toward Nisha. “This is for you,” she said, handing her the rose with what she hoped passed for calm determination.
Brooke wasn’t the baboon. Vivian was.
And Sienna wasn’t the painted dog running back to the pack with her tail between her legs. No. She was the one baring her teeth, ready to take what she wanted.
~~
Sienna was sitting on the edge of the bed, still in her ceremony dress, staring out at the pitch darkness beyond her window. Because the light was on inside, she could see herself in the glass. Her hair was a little mussed. Her reflection looked slightly distorted, as if the girl staring back wasn’t entirely her. Or maybe it was the new her and she just needed time to recognize herself.
