Not too long after that, their plates were cleared, the sun had disappeared completely behind the horizon, and they’d moved to sit side by side on a smooth trunk of a fallen tree.
Holly nudged Sienna lightly with her shoulder and pointed up to the stars. “Is that the Southern Cross?” she asked.
Sienna glanced up toward the four bright stars shaped in a cross. “I think so,” she said. “It’s so much clearer out here, isn’t it? Away from the city lights, you can really see every star.”
When she lowered her gaze, Holly had leaned closer. Her eyes were soft in the moonlight, her lips were slightly parted, and Sienna knew what was going to happen. Holly was going to lean in even more, and Sienna was going to meet her halfway. Their lips were going to touch. They were going to kiss somewhat passionately for the camera. But not too passionately since the show was rated PG. She was readying herself. She was bracing for it, imagining the warmth of Holly’s lips, the thrill of giving in and doing it.
But then… Sienna didn’t. She pulled back and awkwardly pointed up to Orion’s Belt. “I read once that sailors used those three stars to see where they were going because they always point to true south.”
As the words tumbled out of her mouth, she wanted to rewind and smack herself on the side of the head for being so stupid. She wanted to scream at herself to just kiss Holly like a good little bachelorette. It was expected of her after all. The viewers would love it. The producers probably required it. But it was too late. Holly had already retreated and was leaning up, gazing at the stars, looking every bit as disappointed as one would expect of her.
The moment was gone.
From somewhere behind them, someone yelled, “Let’s wrap it up!”
~~
Sienna messed up. She should’ve kissed Holly. She knew it. Every episode ofThe Sapphic Matchthat she’d ever watched drilled that into her brain. The one-on-one dates were for intimacy and vulnerability. They almost always ended up in a kiss. It was in the script, after all.
Yet, Sienna had completely flubbed it. And now, at almost midnight, she still couldn’t stop replaying it in her head. Her brain kept imagining what the viewers would say and how they would judge her hesitation. And it wasn’t just the viewers she worried about; it was Elise too. At the start of the date, the executive producer had made a small but pointed comment. “Remember, Sienna, you’re the bachelorette; act like it.” Which was something Sienna hadn’t completely understood or even taken seriously. Until now.
A twig suddenly snapped somewhere behind her. Sienna’s heart thumped so hard she thought it might burst through her ribs. She snapped her head toward the sound, half-expecting a wild animal or maybe even Elise rushing toward her to tell her off for not kissing Holly when it should’ve been the easiest thing she’d done all day.
But it was only Vivian walking toward her. Sienna sighed in relief. Then she realized it wasonly Vivian, and her heart thumped again.
“Couldn’t sleep?” Vivian asked when she came to stand right beside her. She leaned over the railing, her forearms pressing into the wood, and looked at Sienna with those eyes that could melt an iceberg.
“No,” Sienna said, jerking her head away so she wouldn’t look at Vivian. It was too dangerous, because if she did, if she looked in her direction for even a second longer, she would have to admit the reason she didn’t kiss Holly. The real reason. Not because she was nervous or worried about how she’d look on camera, but because Holly wasn’t Vivian.
Which was far worse than any other reason.
“I have to go,” Sienna said, the words tumbling out faster than she could move. But move she did. She turned to leave, more than eager to get to her tent, to get the hell out of here before she did something she’d regret. But then Vivian’s fingers curled around her arm and kept her there.
“Stay,” Vivian said softly. “We need to talk.”
Chapter Fifteen
Vivian had no idea what she was doing. In fact, she’d spent most of her time here in Africa wondering where her head had gone and why it wasn’t firmly screwed on her head. It wasn’t like her.
She had never fallen for anyone she shouldn’t have. Especially so easily. Especially someone who had a habit of falling herself. Except with her type of falls, Sienna ended up with real bodily harm, and Vivian’s damage was more emotional and self-inflicted.
“What do you want to talk about?” Sienna asked, frowning slightly. She stroked a strand of wavy hair from her cheek to behind her ear. Another one fell in its place. Vivian’s fingers itched to brush it away. She didn’t. She knew the risk.
“I want to apologize,” Vivian said, rather surprisingly. It wasn’t like she’d planned to find Sienna out here on the main deck. The odds of that were quite low. But now that she had, an apology felt like the only reasonable thing to do. Theonlything to do.
“I’ve been completely unprofessional,” she went on. “The other night when you kissed me, I should’ve stopped it before it turned into anything. I know I did eventually, but I should’ve stopped it the moment the kiss started.”
Sienna opened her mouth to say something, but Vivian didn’t let her. The quicker she got this monologue off her chest, the better. “I also shouldn’t have avoided you for two days. I understand how that might have made things feel more confusing.”
“I’m not confused,” Sienna said so fast that the rest of Vivian’s apology fell away. “And you don’t have to apologize for any of that. I kissed you. I should be the one who says sorry.”
But Sienna didn’t say sorry. Or look even remotely sorry. In fact, Sienna looked the opposite of apologetic. She stepped forward. The corner of her mouth lifted. She didn’t blink. Or maybe Vivian didn’t notice because they were blinking at the exact same time. Perfectly in sync.
If she had any common sense, she’d back away right now. But she’d been the one to initiate this conversation. This was on her as much as it was on Sienna.
“I didn’t kiss Holly today,” Sienna said. “There was this moment when the sun was gone and we were sitting on a stump looking at the stars and I forgot all about the cameras around us…” She inhaled deeply and paused.
Vivian knew what she was going to say because she had watched the footage earlier and had listened to Elise narrate the entire scene in that aggressively disappointed tone of hers. Elise had barked, “Why the fuck didn’t Sienna kiss Holly? The moment was perfect. It couldn’t get any more perfect.”
