“Is it that obvious?”
Vivian let out a little chuckle. Sienna smiled. She didn’t want to. But she couldn’t help it. It was like a cascade of events, ending with a shiver skipping down her spine and her mind teetering on the edge of conjuring up forbidden images that never fully formed. Or they would have if it hadn’t been for the rak-rak-rak of a lilac-breasted roller somewhere above her head.
“Just go with your gut,” Vivian eventually said.
“What if my gut is wrong?” Sienna asked. “What if my gut can’t tell the difference between what I think I want and what I actually want? I mean, what would you do? What kind of qualities do you look for in the men you date?”
“Men?” Vivian asked. And she said it so sharply Sienna felt like she’d been politely slapped across the face.
Yes. Men. Who else?
“Your boyfriend,” Sienna blurted, too fast, too desperate. She wanted a clear, concise answer before Elise announced that the rose ceremony was starting. She wanted to know what qualities she should be looking for in the ten contestants. And maybe she also wanted to know if Vivian was dating anyone. If she was dating someone, Sienna assumed she was dating a man. She always assumed every woman was straight until proven otherwise. If Vivian were dating someone, especially a man, she could finally shove this ridiculous crush into a metaphorical drawer and lock it in there for good. Because that was exactly what this was: a ridiculous crush. And she didn’t have crushes on people in relationships. It was her one cardinal rule.
“I don’t have a boyfriend,” Vivian said slowly.
“Oh,” Sienna replied, all breathy and surprised. But then again, why was she surprised? It wasn’t like Vivian had a ring on her finger, and she traveled for work. People who traveled for work tended to—
“I’m into women, Sienna,” Vivian said, cutting Sienna’s thoughts off like a lightning strike against a tall tree. “I thought you knew that.”
Sienna felt a jolt deep in her bones like a current snapping through her chest. Vivian was into women. Wait, had she heard correctly? Suddenly, Sienna wasn’t so sure. The expression on Vivian’s face was hard to read.
Or maybe Sienna had just gone blind.
“I’m lesbian,” Vivian added when Sienna said nothing. Apparently, she’d gone blind and mute. “I thought it was obvious.”
The short hair. The blazers. The trimmed nails. The way she’d held onto Sienna’s hips during that near fall before breakfast earlier today. But then again, straight women could be handsy too. In fact, they were often confusingly affectionate. It was basically a global pandemic.
Sienna blinked and tried to play it cool. But when she spoke, her voice wobbled. “I’m sorry, I just assumed…” She didn’t finish her sentence because it sounded bad. Really bad.
Vivian smiled. “You know what they say about assuming.”
Sienna opened her mouth. Then closed it. She knew the saying went: it makes an ass out of you and me, but her tongue felt drier than the bushveld sand and stuck to the roof of her mouth. She tried again. Or at least she wanted to. But then Elise called suddenly from across the deck. Her voice was like the pop of a champagne cork. “We’re rolling in five! Everyone get ready.”
Vivian turned to move away. Her unbelievably long heels were already clicking on the smooth deck, and Sienna was sure she’d ruined the moment. Although she wasn’t sure what moment. But then Vivian stopped. She glanced over her shoulder and looked at Sienna. Really looked at her, like she was trying to see straight through her skull to her humming brain. “I guess I’d send home someone who doesn’t make me feel anything,” she said.
And then she was gone, leaving an already confused Sienna standing there with her pulse in a freefall and her brain buffering.
Chapter Nine
Vivian had liked Trina. Her country accent had felt soft and tangy. Her personality shone like the sun. And she’d had a habit of calling everyone darlin’, which reminded Vivian of how her grandmother used to talk after watching an episode ofWalker, Texas Ranger. She was good for the cameras. Her hair was redder than the blood moon. Her skin was alabaster-pale. She was an animal lover and a veterinarian, which, when paired together, always ended up as the fan favorite. Unfortunately, Sienna didn’t seem to think there was any connection between them, and Trina was left without a rose.
Elise was probably pissed.
“A drink?” the bartender asked, lifting up a silver shaker that gleamed under the golden lanterns hanging from the ceiling on braided rope. “I call this the Bushveld Bloom.”
Vivian was about to shake her head—her mind was crystal clear, and she had every intention of staying as sober as a nun—but then he poured out something ridiculously pink into a coupe glass, garnished it with a sprig of rosemary and a dehydrated slice of grapefruit, and offered it up to her. One sip wouldn’t hurt.
“Thank you,” she said. It was sweet and strong. The type of drink that knocked you flat before you even realized there was alcohol in it. She sipped it slowly.
Ahead of her, the contestants were standing in three distinct little circles. The biggest circle had Sienna at its center, with Holly, Dani, Lara, and Carla gathered close. They were laughing, and the sound bubbled above the low hum of The Cranberries’ “Zombie”.
Dani swapped her drink to her left hand and said, “My specialty is bird photography.”
Carla snorted into her drink. “You’re kidding, right?”
“No,” Dani said, shaking her head, looking entirely unbothered by Carla’s clearly judgmental expression. “I’m not. I’m passionate about birds. I once spent six hours crouched behind a boulder in the Andes waiting for an Andean cock-of-the-rock to land.”
“That’s dedication,” Sienna said, looking impressed.
