When I was done at the store, I got in my car and headed back home. Well, to Asher’s home. I couldn’t let myself get in the habit of thinking of the temporary arrangement as being home either. It was too dangerous. Too risky. I could get my heart broken too easily. I tapped the steering wheel anxiously the whole drive. All the ways things could blow up ran through my mind. He might have changed his mind. Maybe he’d realized that he was straight after all. I didn’t know if I wanted to put my heart on the line like that. Or worse, he’d decide he was straightafter we started getting physical, and decide halfway through me giving him a blow job that it was too gay for him. My heart hurt just thinking about the risks.
As I pulled into the driveway, I sighed and shook my head. Maybe I was overthinking things. It certainly wouldn’t be the first time. And he was the one who’d initiated it. Asher probably valued our friendship as much as I did. He said he’d be fine if we decided to stay friends instead of pursuing this thing. My head hurt from all of the anxious thinking. As I headed inside, my heart pounding in my ears, I steeled myself for whatever was about to happen.
Chapter 13 - Asher
I’d been stuck at home for what felt like a hundred years, even though it had only been about a week, and I was starting to feel desperate for some actual independence. After Micah left that morning, I sat around getting lost in my own thoughts and watching TV for too long. The day raced by and before I knew it, the day was nearly over. I decided to take some action—to do something with my swirling thoughts and anxiety. I decided to shower before he got home, to prove to both of us that I was healing.
I limped my way to my bedroom and gathered fresh clothes before making my way into the bathroom. As the water heated up, I shrugged out of my sling and slowly wrestled my T-shirt off. It took a little maneuvering, but I managed to slide my good arm out first, then hook it over my head and off of my bad arm. Once that was done, it was only a matter of stepping out of my boxers and sweatpants before I stepped into the shower and under the hot water.
Immediately, the muscles in my back loosened and relaxed under the spray. I let out a soft sigh as the hot water covered me, tipping my head back to soak my hair. Slowly and carefully, I lathered up my hands and washed my hair.
Once that was done, I cleaned the rest of my body. While I soaped up, I let my mind wander back to our kiss. The way his mouth had felt against mine had been nothing short of miraculous. His lips had been soft and giving but with a couple of days of scruff on his face, the friction had felt… nice. His scent made me dizzy when we kissed. My heart was in my throat as I let myself imagine what else might happen.
I imagined sliding my hands down his firm body to his hips, and how he might feel under my touch. I imagined moving my hand against his cock, through the fabric of his jeans, stroking his growing erection between us. I leaned back against the shower wall and sighed softly, before running my hand along my own hardening shaft and letting out a soft groan of pleasure. Butterflies raced through me, a nervous thrill at the possibilities running through my mind.
I paid slow attention to the crown, where precum leaked from the tip already. I let out another quiet groan as I teased myself, rubbing my thumb over the slit, wanting more, wishing it was him touching me. I carefully spread my legs a little wider and fucked into my fist. There was minimal pain in my hip from the movement, and I took that as a sign that it was okay to keep going.
Eyes closed, I imagined his hands on my cock, softer than my calloused ones, moving with a sureness that I knew I wouldn’t possess, at least not at first, not with him. I gripped myself firmly and worked my leaking erection, my mouth falling open as pleasure built inside me.
“Fuck,” I muttered, an image of Micah leaning in to kiss my neck bubbling up in my mind. As my desperation beganto intensify, I groaned louder, fucked my fist harder, and the images in my mind shifted to Micah being completely naked and waiting for me, his body firm and solid. In my mind, I reached out to touch him again, my breath hitching as I did. He nodded and urged me to continue, murmuring reassurances.
And then, still in my imagination, I dropped to my knees and took his cock in my mouth. As I did, my orgasm tore through me, the intensity of it catching me off guard and making me cry out, a sound like a broken sob wrenched from my throat, louder than I’d intended. I stroked myself through the waves of pleasure and when it was over, I opened my eyes slowly, chest heaving as I caught my breath.
My face burned with embarrassment, knowing I’d just jerked off thinking of one of my best friends, and I washed away the evidence before turning the water off and stepping out of the shower. My hip ached from the exertion. I gingerly toweled myself dry and stepped into a clean pair of boxers and sweats.
Just as I finished pulling on the sweatpants, the front door opened and Micah called out my name.
“Ash? I’m home.”
I didn’t think I could manage to pull a T-shirt on without help—getting the other one off had been nothing short of a small miracle—so I padded barefoot into the living room to find Micah standing there with a rotisserie chicken box in one hand and several grocery bags in the other.
“Hey,” I said, my voice thick in my throat. I had promised myself I wasn’t going to push him away, but acting like I wasn’t interested in him was going to be hard considering the overwhelming new feelings I was experiencing, and especially considering what I’d just done in the bathroom.
He held up the groceries and gave me a tentative smile, his cheeks turning slightly pink. “Hey.”
We were both still for a moment, neither of us speaking, until I finally looked at the floor. “Do you need help?”
“I should be asking you that. Did you take a shower?”
With a chuckle, I nodded and looked back at him. “Yeah, can you believe it? All on my own.”
Micah’s Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed, his gaze roaming my body. “It’s—yeah. That’s awesome. I guess you don’t really need me around here anymore. We can get you a step stool for the bed and you’ll be as good as independent in no time.”
“Yeah. That sounds good.” Why was it so awkward between us? Did one kiss really ruin everything we’d rebuilt as friends? Maybe it wasn’t the kiss that was the problem. Maybe it was the fact that I’d told him I wanted him and I wanted to do it again.
I sighed. “Listen, I—”
At the same time, Micah spoke. “Well, I—”
We both stopped and laughed a little. “You first,” I said.
“I was just going to say, I should probably get these groceries put away. Nobody wants melted ice cream.”
“Yeah.”
Micah approached, making his way into the kitchen. I followed him, wishing I could shatter the weird vibe that we had going on. As he unloaded the groceries—mostly junk food and snacks—I watched, not sure what to say.
With his back turned, he began to speak. “I guess we need to talk about that kiss.” He ducked his head, turning his gaze to the floor. “I liked it, too.” After a beat, he turned to face me. “I like you. But I don’t want to fuck up our friendship.”
