“This is a kink club, Val. No one out there thinks you’re serious. This is a playroom. They probably think this is part of our game.”
He was right, and that only served to spike his temper higher. “You did this. How could you do this to me?Whywould you do this?”
For the first time, Marc showed his true feelings. His face distorted with rage. “Ididn’t do a goddamn thing.Youdid this to yourself. I’m fed up with watching you implode. So, guess what? You’re staying right here until you tell me what in the fuck is going on with you.”
Everything snapped closed inside him. He made a dismissive gesture. “I’m a rockstar, living the rockstar life. You can open the door now.”
“Try again. This time, assume I’m not stupid.”
A huff of pure irritation burst from Valon. “I’m a goddamn adult. You don’t get to force me into anything.”
Marc stood.
Valon immediately shrank. He didn’t know this version of Marc. Maybe, like Ry, he was two different people. Valon wrapped his arms around himself. He felt the blood drain from his face. Maybe Marc would hurt him.
Marc froze halfway across the room. His expression changed from enraged to hurt. “Wait. Are you scared of me right now?”
Valon didn’t respond. His mind had gone to a safer place. He had taught himself how to protect his sanity while someone hurt him. Maybe Marc could destroy his body, but he couldn’t have Valon’s soul. That would always belong to music. He sang a song inside his head while he dissociated. Maybe he should go back to writing music. That had saved him before. Writing was definitely better than the self-destructive ways Valon had used to escape. The thing was, he was too scared to think clearly enough to do anything. He was fucking terrified all hours of the day. There was no peace inside him. Below the surface, all Valon had to focus on was the fear. He thought he might be going slowly insane.
A warm palm smoothed down his back. “It’s okay, beautiful. You never have anything to worry about when you’re with me. You’re safe.”
Valon blinked. He was back in bed. This time, he wasn’t alone. Marc’s huge body engulfed him. His face was buried against Marc’s chest. Marc whispered comforting words into Valon’shair. Well, fuck. Nothing like humiliating himself again. He could die now.
Holy shit. When Marc had decided to force Valon into facing whatever went on in his head, Marc hadn’t expected this. He still didn’t know what drove Valon to self-destruct, but he knew one damn thing. Someone had physically hurt Valon. He had never seen anyone cower and disappear like that. While Valon hadn’t moved, he had vanished from the room just the same. He had taken his mind and fled.
Marc would like to claim he hadn’t thought Valon’s secrets were that bad, but he couldn’t. He had known something truly ugly haunted Valon. Marc hadn’t expected the absolute dissociation. Valon hadn’t even returned to reality when Marc had carriedhim to bed. He was like a limp rag doll. It was honestly terrifying. Almost as chilling as tracking Valon’s phone to an empty parking lot. Marc had thought Valon was dead inside his car. He had been in a fetal position, holding the tail of his costume. By the time Marc had finally gotten inside the car, he had been in full panic mode. Then Valon didn’t wake up, no matter what Marc tried. Zeus had driven by and caught sight of him. Marc didn’t know what he would have done without Zeus’ help. It turned out his cousin was married to a doctor for the stars. Very discreet. Once they had been assured Valon would live, Zeus had suggested this plan. It seemed—of all crazy things—Zeus had been a deprogrammer of some sort for a spy program. He didn’t go into many details, but Zeus had the knowhow to break through people’s psyche. Marc desperately needed that help at the moment.
Zeus had warned him this wouldn’t be easy, and that Marc likely wouldn’t like what he learned. But Marc didn’t have a choice any longer. Valon was one bad night away from dying from this bullshit. Marc had to know what was going on. He held Valon and tried to comfort him. Marc knew the instant Valon came back to himself. His entire body stiffened.
Valon cleared his throat, but his voice still sounded strained when he spoke. “Sorry about that. Sometimes I do that.”
Marc closed his eyes and savored a moment of holding Valon. He didn’t think he could fix a thing. “I’m the one who’s sorry. I shouldn’t have brought you here. It’s obvious you don’t think enough of me to let me help.” Marc hated the things he said, but he couldn’t stop. He was gutted that Valon thought he would hurt him. Marc rolled away and sat up. “I’ll call Zeus and tellhim to let us out. It’s my fault for thinking we were friends. I get it. You’re my boss, and I’m your employee. I won’t mistake my place again.” Goddamn it. Every word he spoke hurt, but they were the truth. Marc wanted so fucking badly to be important to Valon. He wanted to be the person Valon finally turned to for help. It seemed he was set on drowning, and there wasn’t a damn thing Marc could do about it. He moved to stand.
Valon snagged the back of his shirt and held on. They sat frozen in silence until Valon finally spoke. “You’re my friend.” His voice sounded so small and hurt that Marc thought his chest would cave. “I’d actually—if you’re okay with it—I think I’d like to be held a little longer.”
Well, fuck. He didn’t have to ask Marc twice. Marc turned and settled back in, tucking Valon against his chest. Without thought, his lips found Valon’s forehead. He couldn’t stop the light kiss he placed there. Marc didn’t speak. His throat was too tight. Valon had called him a friend. Considering he was sickeningly in love with the guy, Marc would take it. Valon Stark was willingly in his arms. Wow. All his obsessions raced to the surface and crippled him. No one could or would ever know how Marc had dreamed and plotted.
Valon brushed his fingertips across Marc’s clavicle, petting him. “More times than I can count, I’ve come to your room at night and stood outside your door.” Marc’s entire existence held on to Valon’s every word. “I knew I could knock, and you’d let me in. You’d keep me safe. Maybe it would mean just sleeping like this so I can actually freaking sleep.” His voice got stronger the more he spoke. “But then I’d go back to bed and fall apart until I’d finally light up and drift away.”
“You should’ve knocked.”
He felt Valon shake his head. “You’re the only person who knows me who doesn’t think I’m a horrible person. If you knew anything about me, you’d look at me differently. That would break my heart.”
Marc needed Valon to keep talking. “There’s nothing you can say to me that would make me see you in a negative light. As wild as it may sound, you’re my best friend, even if I’m not yours.”
Valon stroked him again but didn’t respond right away. “I’m so used to keeping everything inside, protecting other people’s happiness, I don’t know how to open myself. But I know there’s an ugliness in me I can’t burden anyone else with.”
“I want to carry it with you. Just start somewhere. Open your mouth and let the ugliness go. I’m begging you to stop killing yourself while I’m right here, wanting the job of being your peace.”
He felt Valon take a deep breath. “Dad and Kash don’t understand. Maybe you won't either. I couldn’t get away from them fast enough when I hit it big.”
That one threw Marc for a loop. “Is that because of them falling in love or whatever?”
A humorless laugh rumbled from Valon. “If I’d let him, Kash would’ve stayed with me forever. So, no. It had nothing, yeteverything, to do with them.” Valon took another breath that sounded hard-fought. “It was Ry.”
Valon’s earlier reaction and his confession had a terrible sense of foreboding building in Marc.
Thankfully, Valon kept talking so Marc didn’t have to demand an explanation.
