I sat in the chair across from her and waited.
“I’m not happy,” she said. Flat and honest the way Brielle said the things that cost her something. “I’ve been not happy for a while and I’ve been telling myself it’s fine because Marcus is a good man on paper and my family loves him. He’s everything they always said I should want.” She looked at her hands. “And none of that means anything because I’ve been in love with you since I was thirteen years old and that hasn’t changed one single day regardless of what I’ve tried to do about it.”
The room was quiet.
“I never stopped,” she said. “I need you to know that. The dinner you cooked that night for me. I saw it all. I was in my car outside your building for forty five minutes that night. I wanted to come up more than I’ve ever wanted anything.” She looked up at me. “I was scared. I’m always scared when it comes to you because loving you has never been simple and I don’t know how to do simple with you. I was scared that if I came up those stairs it would mean everything and I didn’t know if I was ready for everything.”
“Are you ready now? Or you just coming to disappoint me again? We both know there is no way that you are ready because you have someone else that you’re committed to.” I said.
She stood up and crossed the room and I stood up to meet her, when she put her hands on my face I let her and I don’t know why. When she kissed me I kissed her back and everything that had been sitting in the space between us for years came forward all at once.
What happened after that was everything we had been holding back since we were teenagers. This love felt different as hell. It was draining, but I just couldn’t let it go. The way Bri fucked me in her best friend guest bed, I knew that I was no longer her only. Thinking about another nigga having her the same way that I have, that damn near brought tears to my eyes. I had to shake it off. I fucked her extra hard, so that even if she did go back home to someone else, it will not be the same. She was going to always think about me.
We talked for a while afterwards. We caught up on life and the let me know that she was proud of me. She had been keeping up with my fights and watching me since I went professional. The kind of conversations that only happened when everything else had already been said.
She fell asleep with her head on my chest and I held her while I stared at the ceiling and let myself have that moment for a while.
Then I did what I had to do.
I waited until her breathing was deep and even and I reached across to the nightstand where she had put her phone face down when we came in. I picked it up. No passcode — she had never used one as long as I had known her. I went to her contacts and found Marcus number and took a picture of his contact. I got his number, his last name and anything else attached to his contact. Then I went to her recent calls and her messages. I looked at what was there and noted what I saw then I put the phone back exactly where she had left it.
I wasn’t proud of it.
But I had heard two letters in a hospital tonight that had been living in my head since I was five years old. BJ.
The man those letters were connected to was sleeping in the same bed as the woman I loved and I needed to know who I was dealing with before I decided what to do about it. This shit was bigger than me. If I was right, and the BJ Marcus was connected to, was the same one who sent a hit on my father. I had some serious business to handle. This ghost nigga had fucked my life up since I was a toddler.
I got dressed in the dark, bent down and looked at her sleeping and felt something that I hadn’t felt in years. I knew they’re leaving right now was the best decision for me to make. My head had been clear all of these years, now here she was popping back up like this. Not this time. I had to be stronger than my addiction, or whatever the hell they said in those AA meetings. And Bri was my damn addiction.
I was not about to stay and wait for morning. I had done that once four years ago and sat alone at a table I had set for two people until midnight with an empty wine bottle like a fuckin lame ass nigga. I had promised myself that was the last time.
I left.
—
The weekend came and I pushed everything that had happened into the back of my head. Thats what I had always done when I didn’t want to face shit head on at the moment. The Marcus situation, the BJ connection, Mazi, all of it was placed on hold. It wasn’t gone. It was waiting.And I was going to get to it without making moves I couldn’t take back.
Saturday night Legal had me at a dinner the mayor of Dallas was throwing for community leaders and public figures. A whole room full of people who mattered in this city dressed up and showing nothing but best versions of themselves over catered food and open bars.
Legal had been talking for two months about my public image going into the title eliminator. Said a fighter at my level with a world title shot on the horizon needed to look a certain way off camera. Clean, community focused, stable. Sponsors paid attention to that. Networks paid attention to that. The boxing commission paid attention to that. He wasn’t wrong and I knew he wasn’t wrong.
He had introduced me to Kyla about three weeks ago. Kyla Bridges was twenty eight years old, ran a nonprofit focused on youth development on the south side of Dallas, and was currently running for city council in her district. She was sharp, well spoken, beautiful in a way that I couldn’t explain but the whole city made a big deal of. She understood exactly what the arrangement was because Legal had been straight with her about it from the beginning.
She wasn’t looking for a real relationship either. She wanted visibility for her campaign and being seen publicly with the undefeated heavyweight contender Xavier Street Hendrix wasn’t bad for that. We got along okay for what it was worth. She was easy to be around. She made me laugh sometimes which I hadn’t expected.
But she wasn’t Brielle and that was just always going to be the truth.
I was standing near the bar with Kyla beside me looking the part when the room shifted in that way that I could always feel immediately.
Brielle walked in.
With Marcus.
She was wearing something black and simple but it hugged her curves just right. Her hair and makeup was done and she damn near had me drooling, but I had to keep it together.
She was scanning the crowd like she was looking for a familiar face. I watched the exact second her eyes found me.
I watched her see Kyla standing beside me and me holding onto her hand.
