Then I walked out.
—
Gutta took me to Waffle House on the way back across town because I hadn’t eaten. The nigga woke me up out my damn sleep, so this was the least that he could do. My body needed something after what it had just gone through on top of the lingering pain that I already had. We took a booth near the window and I ordered enough food to feed two people. As soon as the food made it to the table, I started eating before Gutta even finished ordering.
We didn’t talk about the apartment. Didn’t need to. This was regular shit to us.
“So Simone texted me this morning,” Gutta said over his coffee.
“Already?” I asked, I didn’t think Simone would be entertaining this nigga. I mean, he’s chased her for years.
“What you mean already. You saw how she looked at me. You saw that damn kiss too. We been talking since that night.”
“I saw how yo ass was pressing her hard and she finally got wore down.” I joked.
“Same thing.” He was smiling again. That real one. “I told her we’d probably be over this way this morning.”
I looked up from my food. “You told her to come here?”
“I told her we’d probably be over this way. If she happened to show up that ain’t got nothing to do with me.” his ass lied. I knew by his tone that he’d told that girl exactly where to come and when. He was a sucka for that shit. Sprung ass nigga. Would probably never even get the pussy from her in this lifetime.
Before I could respond the door opened and I looked up out of habit and my whole body did what it always does. Only one person could get this kind of reaction out of me.
Brielle walked in with Simone right behind her.
I looked across the table at Gutta and he was looking out the window like the parking lot was the most interesting thing he had ever seen in his life.
“Gutta.”
“Hm.”
“You set this up? Nigga, what you on today?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” he lied again.
Simone spotted us, then said something to Brielle and they came over to the booth. Gutta stood up immediately and huggedSimone. After that, they slid into the booth together on his side already talking like no time had passed since they had just seen each other. I stayed where I was and looked at Brielle standing at the end of the table.
She tilted her head toward the door. “Can we talk outside for a second?”
I looked at her for a moment wanting to tell her bougie ass fuck no, but I just slid out of the booth and followed her out.
The morning was warm and the parking lot was half full. We stood off to the side away from the entrance and she turned around to face me with her arms crossed and her eyes looking everywhere but directly at me.
“I want to apologize,” she said. “For what I said the other night. About that prom statement and about me saying that you not changing. That wasn’t fair and I knew it wasn’t fair when I said it. Even with knowing it was wrong, I said it anyway.”
I didn’t say anything. Just listened.
“And I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you since the fight the other night.” She said it straight. No performance behind it. Just Brielle being honest. It was like she decided to stop protecting herself by lying and hiding what she felt. “Watching you in that cage and then seeing you outside after, I don’t know. Something about it just—” She stopped and shook her head. “I can’t stop thinking about you Street. I haven’t been able to for a long time and I’m tired of pretending I can.”
I looked at her standing there in the morning light being more honest than she usually lets herself be. In that moment, I felt everything I always felt when she was this close to me. I gave myself about five seconds to feel it before I said what I actuallyneeded to say. Bri had a way of making me feel small, and I never felt that way in my life. It wasn’t that she was doing it intentionally either, but knowing that you’d never been good enough for someone, that shit didn’t feel good.
“What do you want from me Bri?” I asked. Not aggressive. Just real and raw. “Not what you feel right now standing in this parking lot, but what do you actually want from me, and be completely real with a nigga.”
She opened her mouth and I kept going.
“Because here’s where I’m at with the shit. I’m tired of being the person you want when it’s just us two around. When there’s nobody watching and no family for you to answer to. You are only like this right here when its just you and me in a room somewhere. I’m tired of being your secret. If you can’t be loud about me — if you can’t tell your people that I am who you want and mean it, then we need to stop doing this to each other. You disappear then come back around and just pop up just like you did at that fight. That shit ain’t cool and I don’t do you like that. I can’t keep going back and forth with you and getting nowhere.”
She was quiet for a moment. Then — “Do you know that after you I haven’t been with anybody else. I don’t even think about it. When I see a future for myself, you are the one that’s in it. That’s why you are my first and only.”
