?
We spent the whole day cleaning the mess.
The body is now bagged and ready to be dealt with. My back is resting against the shower wall, water pouring down my body, my skin rubbed clean.
I’ve cleaned myself more than five times. If I do just one more scrub it’s gonna tear the skin. I turn off the water and my body slides down the shower wall, collapsing onto the floor.
I’m so fucking tired.
My mind keeps playing her laugh on repeat, like some hypnotic melody.
The cold tiles send shivers throughout me as I head out of the shower, grabbing my phone and cigarettes on the way. I sit on my balcony and unlock the phone, the messages with her still open. As soon as I see them, my body finally warms up, as if I got out of that basement just now.
I light up a cigarette and notice it’s already after ten in the evening. We were in that fucking basement for that long?
I want to hear it. I need to hear that laugh of hers to remind me that there is life outside this rotten place that could actually be mine.
The way I felt yesterday with her—I felt soft and stupid. Like a teenager.
I didn’t recognize myself.
And I liked that.
Sylvia hasn’t gotten to me yet. I know that now. She hasn’t sucked all the life out of me yet. It’s still there and I want it.
Kiara made me want it.
I inhale the toxic smoke and almost press the call button when it hits me that she might already be asleep.
I hesitate for a second.
Then I try anyway, sending a text instead.
Me: I hope I’m not waking you up.
K.: I’m awake, barely.
Me: Can I call?
K.: Only if you won’t be disgusted by my tired voice.
Me: Let’s try.
I press the call button before I can overthink it, and she picks up immediately.
“Hi.”
Fuck.
Her voice is soft, not just quiet, but soft in a way that slips under my skin before I can brace for it.
“Hi.” I pause, suddenly blank. “I’m sorry for waking you.”
“I wasn’t sleeping. I was just trying to.”
“What was keeping you awake then?”
There’s a small silence.
