“Why can’t you do your job! You fucking useless piece of shit!”
My jaw ticks violently. I shift my grip on the gun and press the barrel harder into his skin. His head tilts back with a whimper, and something inside me snaps tighter, pulling at every fucked-up wire in my body.
“Kas!” Adrien’s voice slices through the room.
His scent hits me next—blood, metal, sweat, smoke. And a second later his chest is against my back, grounding, heavy, warm in a way I hate that I need. His hand slides down my forearm, slow but firm, taking mine with the gun and forcing it down, away from the kid’s face.
I blink, disoriented, breath shaking out of me in broken pieces. Adrien gently pries the gun from my fingers like he’s taking a weapon from a wounded animal.
“Kas, stop. He’s trying his best. They all are.”
I quickly look around, all the men in the tech room frozen, scared. Eric, the kid I just threatened, looking like he’s about to faint.
Adrien’s knuckles are bloody, cracked open, the skin torn from hours of beating information out of people. My own hands feel numb. The bodies are piling up in the basement, and still not a single piece of information, not a single trail.
My chest tightens, hard, like someone’s tying a wire around my ribs and twisting. The air disappears, completely. Familiar pain blows up in my chest. My lungs flutter, shallow and useless, my vision tunneling until only the blue glow remains.
And then my knees just stop holding me. I hit the floor before I even realize I’m falling, a choked sound ripping out of my throat. Heavy sobs slam into my chest, shaking everything loose inside me. Pain flashes in my skull, white and sharp, every breath making it worse.
Adrien drops with me instantly, arms wrapping around my torso from behind, pulling me against him, holding me together before I break apart on the floor. My head falls against his chest, tears leaking hot and fast down my face, soaking his shirt. I don’t even hear myself sobbing, it’s just a raw sound, panic swallowing all thought.
“Why are we alive?” I gasp, voice broken. “Why did he let us live?”
The pressure in my chest climbs and climbs, no air getting through. My fingers claw at my sternum like I can prise it open.
“I can’t find her,” I choke out, barely forming the words. “I can’t find her, Adrien.” The words come out shattered, breathless, torn straight from the center of my ribs. Adrien cups the back of my neck, pulling my forehead to his shoulder.
“We’ll find her,” he whispers, voice hoarse, his breath warm on my ear. “I promise, Kas.”
I curl closer without meaning to, my body shaking so violently his grip tightens around me. Then he moves, decisive and practiced. He shifts behind me, one arm still around my chest while the other reaches into the med kit on the desk beside us. I hear the zipper, the metallic click, the soft tearing of plastic.
“Kas,” he murmurs, tilting my chin up with his fingers, “breathe for one more second.”
“I—can’t—”
“You can. Look at me.”
I try. His face swims.
He uncaps a small vial with his mouth and draws up clear liquid into a syringe, no hesitation.
Lorazepam.
He uses it on himself. Fast-acting benzodiazepine. Calms the nervous system. Stops the panic before it becomes a seizure.
“Adrien—don’t—” My voice cracks.
“This won’t knock you out, I promise,” he says softly. “Just slow everything down.”
He finds a vein inside my forearm and slides the needle in with practiced ease, and I finally feel the burn, then warmth.
Then a slow, thick wave rolling through my body, melting the wire wrapped around my chest. My breath stumbles, then eases.My vision blurs, then settles. The roaring in my ears fades to a dull hum.
Adrien exhales shakily, pressing his forehead to the side of mine.
“There you go,” he whispers. “I’ve got you. I always do.”
I close my eyes, chest still trembling, but air finally moves in.
