Instead of answering, I lift her off the bike and gesture for her to get behind me.
We take off from the beach, the night dark, moonlight and city lights guiding us on the way to the manor. I grab her knee every now and then to warm it since I idiotically ripped off her thighs.
When we get to the manor, I slowly prepare myself for what’s about to come. I guide her with my hand on the small of her back to the lobby, squeezing my eyes shut from the repulsion to what I’m about to say.
“Go to your suite and take a warm bath, you’re frozen,” I force out with coldness.
She turns to me and grabs my face instantly.
“No, no, no. Kasien. Stop. Don’t do this.” Her chin is trembling, tears welling in her eyes.
I hold mine back.
“Are you absolutely delusional, Kiara? What do you expect from me? You are supposed to be dead, and I’m supposed to arrange that. Don’t you get it?” I unintentionally raise my voice.
She just shakes her head in defiance and the tears start to roll down her face.
I can’t do this.
“We can figure something out,” she forces out and gulps.
But my mind starts to fill with anger, and I can’t hold it back.
“What do you want from me? I have to kill people for a living, you know that, right?”
“I don’t care. I got you back, that’s all I care about,” she pauses to catch a breath, her sobs making it hard to talk.
“You don’t care? Are you fucking listening to yourself?” My voice is getting louder than I’d want it to.
“I’ve spent years digging into the most disgusting crime scenes, reading all the raw and gut-wrenching details about Vermilion, knowing you’re somewhere behind all of it. I had enough time to make my peace with what you’ve become, Kasien.”
Tears keep spilling down her chin. I want to kiss them away, but I just stand there instead, frozen.
“I’ve already seen the worst of you, six years ago. And I don’t care. You don’t scare me. And I won’t leave you again.”
She cries and runs her thumbs over my cheek, trying to make me look into her eyes, so I do. “I promise,” she adds.
I look away, a lump in my throat, I can’t get the words out. I need to say it, but my body isn’t letting me.
“If you ever disappear on me again, I will look for you—again,” she says firmly when she circles her fingers around my nape and guides me down so she can meet my lips.
The world narrows. No sound, no air, just the heat between us. Her lips touch mine, tasting of salt and heartbreak. Then the dam breaks. I grab the back of her neck, deepening the kiss until we’re both breathless, lost in the collision of everything we never said.
She’s kissing me like she’s trying to carve her name into my soul, like she’s terrified that if she stops, I’ll disappear.
My hand finds her jaw, thumb brushing the tears off her cheek, but she leans into the touch like she wants more of the pain, more of me.
Our lips part only to find each other again, harder this time, desperate, unsteady, a war between wanting and breaking.
Every time she exhales, it sounds like my name. Every time I breathe, it feels like surrender.
What’s done is done.
I have no plan.
I’m fucked anyway.
All the wheels in my head stopped since she came down those stairs behind me four hours ago. I’m all the way down and I can’t go back anymore.
