My chest ached. “I don’t know how to convince him that Ididn’t use him.”
“But you did, Jace.”
I shook my head. “It’s pointless to explain it to you.”
Patel was silent for a moment, then said, “He keeps apologizing. For needing things. For crying. For… existing…” His lips pressed into a thin line. “If I find out that you’re the reason he’s doing that…”
“I know,” I said. “And I appreciate you being protective of him, but I would never make him feel the need to apologize for anything. I want to give him everything, Patel. I want to give him the world. So, no. That’s not on me. That’s all on his shitty excuse of a sperm donor. Fucking piece of shit deserves everything that’s coming for him.”
Patel scoffed lightly. “At least we agree on that.”
4
Elior
It took a few slow, foggy seconds for my eyes to focus and for the hopelessness to settle in as I realized that once again, I was waking up in this strange, scary place.
My body felt heavy and far away, like it didn’t quite belong to me. Every time I fell asleep, I prayed that when I woke up, I’d be back home, cuddled with Daddy in bed—in a universe where he never broke my heart.
It didn’t feel like anyone was listening to my prayers anymore, though.
It didn’t feel like anyone was listening to me at all.
When I shifted to my side on the small hospital bed, cold air brushed my thighs, and I felt it. The unmistakable smell came next, and my stomach dropped so hard I thought I might be sick.
No.
No, no, no—
Not again.
I froze, a distraught whine crawling up my throat.My face burned, heat flooding up my neck and into my ears until everything felt too tight.
Father would’ve called this a failure of discipline.
A sign of impurity.
I knew he was right because clearly something was so, so deeplywrongwith me. I was an adult reduced to wetting the bed every night like a baby. Father had to have been right when he… when he told me what I was. Why else would I be punished like this? Why?
Why couldn’t I have just beengoodfor once?
Tears blurred my vision before I even realized I was crying.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered to no one, my voice barely there. My hands trembled as I curled them into the blanket, knuckles white from tension. I squeezed my eyes shut, wanting nothing more than to just curl up in a ball and disappear forever.
A soft knock sounded at the door.
My heart leapt into my throat. I scrubbed at my eyes, mortified, and tried to pull the blanket tighter around myself, like it could hide what I’d done.
The door opened gently.
“Hey there,” a woman said, her voice soft and calm. She wore pale blue scrubs, her hair pulled back in a loose bun with curly brown wisps escaping around her face. “Good morning, sweetheart. How are you feeling?”
I couldn’t look at her.
“I—” My voice broke. “I’m s-sorry. I didn’t mean to—”
She crossed the room without hurrying, without a flicker of irritation, only concern. “Hey,” she said, crouching so she was closer to my eye level. “It’s okay, honey. What’s wrong?”
