“It’s not your fault,” she repeated.
My heart pounded hard inside my chest, and I stared ahead through the windshield, not daring to look over.My eyes were burning.
“Look at me,” she pleaded, hand on my chin.“Please.”
When I didn’t, she took off her seat belt and crawled into my lap, so I was forced to meet her stare, to look at the girl I almost had gotten killed.
“It’s not your fault, okay?”she whispered, her hands on my jaw.
“It is.”
“No, it’s not.”
“The guys who took you only took you because they were pissed at me.I should’ve quit street racing.I should’ve?—”
“Stop it, Rush,” she murmured, swiping tears from my cheeks with her thumbs.“Stop it.You didn’t cause this.I don’t blame you.”
I gripped her waist tightly.“You should.”
“No, I shouldn’t, and I won’t.You protected me.You killed someone.For me.”
“I’d do it again,” I said.“I’d do worse.I’d burn the world down for you.”
Her fingers brushed against my cheeks again.So warm, so small.Yet she didn’t say anything.
“Killing him wasn’t enough for me.I want them all to pay for what they did to you.I want them to hurt.To cry.To plead.To beg for their lives.Then I want to take away what matters most to them.”
“Rush, I don’t want you to hurt anyone for me,” she whispered.“But I appreciate what you’ve done.”
“You don’t get it,” I murmured, brushing some hair off her face.“All these fucking years, I’ve felt so dead inside.I haven’t felt as alive as I have after I met you.And I can’t lose that.I can’t lose you.I fucking love you, Astrid.”
CHAPTERNINETY-FOUR
RUSH
My entire body tensed,and I gripped on to Astrid’s waist as hard as I could without hurting her.I hadn’t wanted to admit it aloud to her, even though everyone else already had, but I couldn’t keep it in much longer.
After what had happened to her, I needed her to know that I loved her.
Astrid stared at me through wide, teary eyes, her breath caught in her throat.After opening and closing her mouth a handful of times with no words coming out, she finally wrapped her arms around my shoulders and hugged me.Hard.
“I’m so fucking glad you’re safe, but I wish … God, I fucking wish I could’ve found you before they touched you.I wish I hadn’t told you not to come to the race.”
“It’s okay,” she murmured into my neck.“I know you were trying to protect me.”
Somehow, I tensed even more.“I fucking lost you, Astrid.”
The silence stretched on again, filled with the crashing of waves on the shores a block over.Wind tousled my hair through the cracked window.Astrid pulled away just enough to grasp my face in her small hands.
“You didn’t lose me,” she said, her forehead on mine.“I’m right here.”
“I almost did.”
“I don’t blame you for any of this,” she said.
“You promise?”
“I promise.”She pulled away a couple of inches and stared down at me.“I fucking promise, Rush.I … I love you too.So much.”
