Win’s arm was around me suddenly. “See, things can actually be good. Not all worry and downers constantly.”
I shot him a look. “Sure, Win. Let’s say that.” Dammit, I just hadn’t been able to keep it in.
Evira and Vax exchanged a look.
“What’s happened?” Evira asked.
“Orhappening?” Vax added.
I braced myself to come up with a viable excuse to bolster whatever Winter was about to throw out there, while alsokeeping my heart rate steady so he didn’t get outed. As much as he was pissing me off right now, I wouldn’t do that to him.
But then something striking happened.
He stared at me with a whole lot of pain and upset—for me.
And then he sighed and revealed, “I’ve been feeding a lot more than usual. From Zayn only, as we agreed. But it’s still been… a great deal more than I’ve ever done before. Ever since the abduction and whatever Ruxnoth did to protect me from feeling the effects of theNihilumbra.”
I blew out a massive breath, which wasn’t exactly subtle.
“I’m sorry,” Win said, stroking my shoulder. “I should’ve revealed this sooner. I didn’t realize—or allow myself to realize, I suppose—how much this was worrying you.”
“My lovely,” Evira said, stepping up to Win and cupping his cheek. “I thought we’d made it clear that your need to feed isn’t something to be ashamed of with the three of us. It’s not seen that way at all by any of us.”
“It’s the uncontrollable element now attached to it,” Vax stated in his usual astute way. “It feels different now, a different kind of shame, yes?”
Win nodded.
“It’snot,”Vax ground out fiercely. He grasped Winter’s shoulder. “Listen carefully, little death. This was done to you. Inflicted upon you. Beforehand you found a way to soothe yourself, to reconcile your death-cold nature all on your own. You regulated yourself also, all the while enduring all of that alone. That is something to be commended. Now Ruxnoth has upturned that. It’s not your shame to hold. Do you understand me?”
“I… do.” He looked away. “But I still should be able to control my own body.”
“And you will again,” Vax assured him.
Win looked back at him, arching an eyebrow, and the hope there killed me with how desperately he needed it.Shit.It was a good thing I’d brought this up, then, after all. It had been eating at him so badly.
“How do you know? How can you be so sure?”
“One, because it’s your body. Yours to control, no matter how that heathen has framed things to you. Two, because we’ll help you. There are resources I can tap, avenues I can investigate.”
“While we’re figuring this out, if you’re thinking about stopping the feeding, I don’t think that’s a good idea. It could worsen what you’re experiencing and cause you more distress, lovely,” Evira warned.
“And I need to be functional for my training with my dad—and not alert him to any of this.”
“I’m fine continuing with it. Well, let’s face it, you know I fucking love it when you feed from me, babe,” I assured him. “I was just worried about it on your end. But you admitting to there being an issue, now even telling them, and entertaining solutions… it changes things, takes away some of that worry.”
“The only solution might be Ruxnoth,” he told us.
Evira, Vax, and I exchanged a heavy look.
Thankfully, Vax had it, telling Winter, “A solution you’re not in a position to seek out. Not yet, at least.”
“It’s way too dangerous,” Evira told him.
“For now, or until you’re ready to bring your family in on it,” I said.
He started shaking his head vehemently.
“All right, all right,” Evira said, easing Winter to her. He rested his head on her shoulder and sank into her comfort. With her it was somehow both sweet and sturdy, like toughness wrapped in silk. Actually, like steel wrapped in it. “We’ll go ahead with what we’ve already said. Continue feeding as you have been lately with Zayn. Just keep us updated, okay? Nomore shame getting in the way of telling us what you need, or what’s freaking you out and hurting you.”
