It came out as a croak and he cleared his throat, prepared to fight with everything he had to keep the woman he loved.
She cocked her head to the side and sent him an inquisitive glance.
“Yes, Devon?”
Her voice was sweet and clear in the silence that had settled over the area. Only the distant crack of a tree limb disturbed the calm.
He hated that he stood here, tongue-tied, unable to form a single damn word, his heart in knots. There was so much to say he simply didn’t know where to start. Finally his frustration got the better of him.
“Damn it, I love you. I’m standing here trying my best to come up with the words to everything I have to say and all I can think, all that weighs on my mind, is that I love you so damn much and I can’t live without you. Don’t make me live without you, Ash.”
Her expressive eyes widened in shock. Her mouth popped open and then snapped shut again. She shook her head wordlessly as if she had no idea what to say to his sudden declaration.
Then hurt entered her eyes, crushing him with the weight of her pain. Her gaze held the memory of all the terrible things he’d said and done. He couldn’t breathe for wanting to drop to his knees and beg her forgiveness.
“Then why?” she choked out. “If you love me, really loveme, then why would you want me to change? You don’t love the real me, Dev. You love the image you have in your head of how the perfect wife should be. Well, I’ve got news for you. I’m not her. I’ll never be her.”
She was glorious in her anger. Her eyes came to life and sparked darts of fire. Color suffused her cheeks and her lips pinched together as she glared holes through him.
“Trying to change you was the biggest mistake I’ve ever made or will make in my life. God, Ash, when I think of how stupid I was I just want to punch something.”
He put his hands on her shoulders and stared intently into her eyes. “You are the most beautiful, precious thing that has ever barreled into my life. I didn’t see it because I didn’t want to see it. When your father suggested the marriage, I was pissed and I resented his interference.”
“That makes two of us,” Ashley muttered.
“But the thing was, I didn’t mind the idea of marrying you. Even when I told myself that I was angry, there was a part of me that didn’t at all mind the idea of marriage and settling down. Starting a family. With you.
“I was torn and I was an immature jerk acting out because I felt like marriage was being forced on me instead of when I was ready for it. Even though I didn’t mind the outcome, I was resentful on principle. Which is stupid. And then on our honeymoon night I was gutted when you found out because the last thing I ever wanted was to hurt you. I felt cornered. Here you were demanding to know how I felt and my feelings weren’t even something I could admit to myself. So I answered out of frustration and I said all that crap about how we could have a good marriage anyway because in my mind I wanted things to go on as they had before but without the vulnerability I felt every time the question of love popped up.”
He sighed and released her shoulders, stepping back for a moment as he stared off into the distance. “Your entire family baffles me, Ash. I don’t always know how to take them. I’m not used to having this big, huge loving family where dysfunction isn’t a way of life. Your dad was always calling me ‘son,’ and he wanted me to marry you, and all I could think was that I don’t fit here. I’m not good enough. I wasn’t worthy. And that made me angry because after I left home, I was determined never to feel inferior again.”
She was still staring at him like she had no idea what to say.
“You scared me, Ash. You barged into my life, turned it upside down with your take-no-prisoners attitude. You were the one thing I couldn’t control, couldn’t put in its proper place, and I tried. Oh, I tried. I was determined that you weren’t going to be a threat to me. I hated how rattled you made me feel and how I went soft every time you entered a room. I thought somehow if I covered you up that you wouldn’t shine quite so brightly and that maybe I could better control my reaction to you or at least I wouldn’t feel like my guts had been ripped out every time you smiled at me.”
“Wow,” she whispered. “I have no idea what to say, Devon. I had no idea I affected you so badly.”
He shook his head. “Oh, God, no, Ash. Don’t you see? You are the very best part of me. It wasn’t you. It was never you. It was me.”
No longer able to keep his hands from her, he stepped forward again and pulled her close so that their faces were almost touching and he could feel the warmth of her breath on his throat.
“You are the very best part of my world. You are my life. I cannot imagine an existence without you. I don’t want to. What I did was unforgivable. It was the result of ignorance and stupidity of the highest magnitude. I can only tell you that if you let me back into your life that you’ll never have cause to doubt me again. I’ll spend every single day proving to you that you are the absolute center of my universe. You wanted a man who adored you beyond reason. Someone who accepted you for the beautiful, amazing woman that you are. Look no further, Ash. He’s standing in front of you with his heart in his hands. No man will ever love you more than I do. It isn’t possible.”
Her eyes were huge in her face. Brilliantly blue, sparkling like the most exquisite gems. Her cheeks were brushed with rose and her throat worked up and down as she swallowed. Tears glittered like diamonds, clung to her lashes but didn’t fall. He wouldn’t let them this time. If she never cried again, it would be too soon for him.
When she opened her mouth to speak, he simply put his lips to hers and kissed her long and sweet. He was shaking as he crushed her to him. For the last week he’d despaired of ever getting this close to her again and now she was warm and soft in his arms and so very precious.
“Don’t say anything yet,” he whispered. “There’s still something I want to show you.”
He pulled away, gathered her hand in his and pulled her along the road. She walked with him haltingly, as if she were in a solid daze. As they rounded the sharp bend, she stopped in her tracks and gazed in wonder at the sprawling house on top of the hill.
In the distance, dogs barked and she turned her head, her brow furrowing as she searched for the source of the noise. And then over the hill, two dogs bounded, making a beeline for Ashley.
“Mac! Paulina!”
She dropped to her knees just as the dogs launched themselves at her, licking and barking excitedly as Ashley tried to hug them.
“Oh my God, where did you come from?” she whispered.
